‘The GOAT got it done’, trumpeted Team USA’s Twitter account after Simone Biles snagged a bronze in the high beam competition.
Quite what ‘it’ was, nobody was precisely sure unless it was a reference to a masterclass in underpromising and overdelivering. Even in the murky world of low-rent office life, that sort of sandbagging caper will earn you a harsh punt up the balloon knot.
In fact, ‘it’ refers to a sort of Mr Myagi logic: the art of winning without winning.
For whatever reason, she went for an alternative to gold, on the way picking up a gong she would formerly have skimmed onto the waves from the nearest pier.
She may not have won gold, but she surpassed gold.
Meanwhile, the women’s weightlifting bloke proved only one point in his/her/their/zir/eir/hir event and that was being a fat geezer and not having one iota of talent won’t trump female talent.
Oh, and there was some chick who had sliced and diced her bangers and now jogs around with the Canadian men’s football team.
Not sure he/she/they/zie/ey/sie touched the ball at all in any of the games, well certainly not one of her own. Thank God there’s no third leg in Olympic football.
The whole ‘trans in sport’ debate will now go on ice until a truly talented chap enters a competition where skill and strength both matter and feature.
But as it stands, they’ll all come away with their own slice of trailblazing glory, albeit having actually won diddly squat.
Meanwhile, these Games are being remembered for sideshow distractions rather than great sporting performances and some record-breaking feats, such as a 400m hurdles final where first and second place smashed the world record.
Hardly an eyelid has been batted about one of the most remarkable races in athletics history. They’re too busy banging on about under-achievement, a woman’s penis, and a guy with no boobs.
At some stage, we’re going to have to make the Olympics once again about sport.