Hats off to the BBC for their sausage-fingered handling of the BBC perv scandal.

The Sun broke a story, and the Beeb announced it had suspended a male presenter, thereby creating a gossip vacuum and the need for countless employees to issue strenuous denials.

They then referred it to the police, only for the supposed victim – through his brief – to slate the whole story as ‘rubbish’ and for the cops to note that they weren’t even sure a crime had taken place.

It transpires that the Sun’s source is the youth’s mother, who had decided to have a pop some three years after the (alleged) fact.

Several years ago, the BBC sent a chopper over Cliff Richard’s back garden to take footage. In this case, the only chopper on show will likely be in the pictures.

Back at the farm, the BBC are still grappling with a hearsay chain that would have any half-awake M’Lud tutting down his ermine sleeve.

Yet, in a world where women can have penises, and deniers of that end up getting nicked, you’ve arguably sussed that factual evidence is now old hat.

Switch to ITV (or Interviewing Transvestites as it is now known) and some hairy-arsed tranny fielded some gentle pitches about Thames Water while galavanting around with an infant child sucking on one of his nipples.

Christ knows what was coming out of that toy tit, but it wasn’t going to have been particularly nourishing. At best, the poor tot probably got a useful dose of Lynx Africa.

A gang of usual suspect Labour MPs signed a letter defending the bloke, and they’d probably have done the same had the guy whipped out his wang as a source of nourishment. I suppose it would just be one step further than a reassurance that it tastes of strawberries, so not wholly off-topic.

The ghost of Jimmy Savile must be gagging to stage a comeback. Why not? In the current climate, he’s got zero chance of being nicked.

The only people getting their collars felt will be critics of industrial-scale noncing and the subjects of he-said-she-said tittle-tattle.

Welcome to the new normal.