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Platform Shoo-Ins

There’s been a push to no-platform Tommy Robinson from the Oxford Union. And USA women’s coach, Emma Hayes, has been in the populist crosshairs for her excruciating World Cup analysis. What’s the connection? Let’s speak on it. Firstly, let me be clear: Hayes is in no way an advocate for far-right politics. So, now that’s…
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FIFA Ranking

The latest edition of the FIFA World Cup is underway, and it already has the makings of a crass omnishambles. The Mexico-South Africa opener was refereed by some posturing goon, who was darting around, spaz-carding, like someone had marinated his love eggs in Chakalaka. The defender, Sithole, so christened after his parents had conceived him…
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Hell FC

A barely scraped fifth place, and some mechanical Playstation football to boot was enough to convince Liverpool bosses not to pop another shilling into the Slot machine. In doing so, they defenestrated the Dutch dud, who had laboriously removed the hubcaps from the cuckooed Kloppian climax of the previous campaign, and delivered a hearty slap…
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Dull and Duller

I don’t know whether Keir Starmer is a decent man, but he’s a manifestly turdular politician. When his premiership looked to be blowing up, genius Keith ‘didn’t have space in his diary’ to meet concerned backbenchers. There’s none as blind as those who cannot see. Sure, in recent years, we all got veneer fatigue with…
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Message Parlour

BREAKING; Slur Keir’s hanging on as he won’t ‘plunge the country into chaos’. Let. That. Sink. In. The prophetically named Sarah Sackman was wheeled out, gaslighting hard, to advise that the momentous poll spanking was the expected mid-term free-hit that all governments expect. Well, yes, if they go route one to tank their manifesto pledges.…
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Fish Stew

The money-go-round has once again ignited, with the conspicuous clown cabal kick-starting their collapsible careers and staking their grossly unqualified claims to the raft of imminent Premier League vacancies. My prediction for next season? Expect nothing and still be disappointed. It’s a murky old stew of the weirdest fish. I don’t even know where to…
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Tommy Führy

We’d not glimpsed much of Führage recently, and then the old wag rocked up in a tank with Derrick Chisora for the latter’s blowhard swingfest with Detontay Wilder. Incidentally, nominal determinist Wilder is the guy who claimed to Piers Morgan that his girlfriend got up the duff by scraping spooge off her body and ‘injecting’ herself.…
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Iran Amok

The new Supreme Leader of Iran was on fire this week. Well, that’s what GBU-57 Bunker Busters do for you. You’ve got to hand it to him, though. For a chap in a coma, he’s not taking any prisoners. Whether it’s now coma over or come-on, this so-called war has bumbled into an almighty clusterfuck. Illegal,…
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Meet the New Boss…

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, which is probably the extent of the strategy currently unravelling in Iran. Fundamentally – in keeping with the territorial vibe – Trump just grabbed that opportunity by the pussy. This was no veiled threat. You might have thought that Netanyahu would have known better,…

