Hey presto!

Magician David Copperfield has been stiffed with allegations of decades-long ‘Rolfharrisment’ by a string of now forty-something ex-teenagers whose memories are arguably as robust as the collapsed heels on their counterfeit Ugg boots.

Yes, it’s one of those historical Yewtree-mendous investigations that will possibly soon have coppers beating down the door of Coppers. I do miss the days of Operation Yewtree and the spin-a-bottle rampage through the annals of 1970s light entertainment.

Titillatingly, the maestro is even alleged to have copped a feel on a teenager’s breasts while her family sat in the front row, or the ‘Savile row’ as Sir Jim never termed it but surely should have.

‘You’re going to like this – not a lot – but you’re going to like it’.

Yeah, wrong magician, but the same old wand-waving tompumpery. Those entertainers can’t get enough of the old prestidigitation, can they? Allegedly.

Bizarrely though, a bloke who can make the Statue of Liberty disappear shouldn’t have too much trouble in vanishing a few poxy charges. Up to now, I’d never met a magician who couldn’t escape from a pair of handcuffs, yet old Dave does however seem a little wrong-footed by this flock of flakey chicks.

These are many different women, who have never met each other – with corroborating accounts – and that can’t be easily explained away, say his accusers.

Surely, Copperfield is the one person in this whole debacle who can easily explain it? He’s made a career out of illusions and stuff that makes audiences not believe their very eyes. Perhaps he’s worried about being professionally ostracised if he gives away any secrets?

He wouldn’t be the first to have fallen foul of the Magic Circle, or indeed the, ahem, ‘magic circle’.

But then again for me, he’s a guy whose act always stank way more than his fingers.