Top cop Sir Mark Rowley has defended officers after five tooled-up rozzers swooped on Heathrow to snare a guy who had pinged out a few tweets back in April.

Unsurprisingly, that blew up in his face as abruptly as a silicon-pumped Rio trans-buttock.

Now that his senior officers have been exposed as weapons-grade berks, this hedgehog at a balloon party has decided to finger everybody, which momentarily raised only the hopes of a plethora of perky, pecker-packing princesses.

In a refreshingly novel and ambitious approach to quality control and man-management, he’s avoided meaningful scrutiny of his own clown clan and demanded the law be changed in order to, deep breath, protect his officers. I’d rather he showed some desire to protect freedom of speech and vulnerable women, but hey ho.

As any reasonably sane person might attest, there’s nothing wrong with the law as it stands. The problem lies with incompetent fuzz führers who are so deeply rooted in the trans-obedient pegging zone, they’re spitting out pillow at a greater rate than common sense.

He perhaps also ought to clarify why his new instructions to take action on social media abuse ‘where there is a clear risk of harm or disorder‘ were never previously put in place. This is after all what hate crime is all about – an identifiable crime with an aggravated feature linked to a protected characteristic.

Lamentably, we’ve now got a police service that cannot fathom the clear difference between a hateful statement and a hate crime.You

Without the features of a crime, it’s just feeling and opinion – and no big deal. You scroll past and get on with life.

Furthermore, making a joke about balls that no woman can logically have, illustrated by the awkward and inept action of delivering a punch to a groin, ought to have telegraphed the essence of an absurd joke.

You might wonder what the CPS were doing in the background, and the answer is probably not very much. The case was probably reviewed by a Grade 7 property lawyer with two years’ PQE on secondment from the Planning Inspectorate.

As an aside – because getting real is always advisable with the current trend for magical thinking within the Criminal Justice system – hairy-arsed geezers in frocks swaggering into the ladies, swinging their big ole cocks won’t be punched in the balls because some comedian has apparently directed citizens to do it via a tweet or three.

They’ll likely independently be adjudged nonces and become the hapless recipients of 10/10 pastings from everyday blokes who just don’t warm to what they compute from such circumstances.

Sir Mark is flapping not because he gives two hoots but because this whole affair has blown the lid off the steaming pan of cop cosplay that has gifted serious crime the ascendancy.

London is a Wild West of murder, robbery, and God knows what else.

At least we all now know the reason why.