Any Change, Guv..?

So, the run-up to Brexit Day has begun and we are now locked in an informal dispute over a coin. Yes, forget all the hullabalo over post-Brexit trade deals, citizens’ rights, and economic downturns, the UK has got something more pressing to bottom out.

Yes, we’re currently all getting bent out of shape over the new commemorative 50p piece. Presented by the Chancellor of the Exchequer, it is inscribed with the words ‘Peace, prosperity and friendship with all nations’.

Sounds like a perfectly sensible outlook to me and it’s the norm to issue coins that mark key milestone events in history. There was a whole raft of them to trumpet the Olympic Games we hosted, and even a set to celebrate the works of Beatrix Potter. In fact, this new EU coin is the third of its kind, following an EEC entry coin in 1973 and a 25-year anniversary EEC coin in 1998.

We may one day get a Flypaper for Freaks tuppence. I will be so proud.

So, no big deal then? Au contraire, mes amis. It led to FBPE meltdown. This is – if you were unaware – the Twitter hashtag for psycho-Remainers that stands for Follow back, pro-EU. You see, in this day and age, if you give yourself some sort of uniform tag that you splash over everything you say and do, the world changes. Seriously, that’s the way it all rolls nowadays. Actually, nobody gives a shit, but let them keep drinking the Kool-Aid if it makes them happy.

Anyway, back to the Remainiac cabal. In their opinion, the coin stinks for several reasons. Firstly, it is celebrating something that is disgusting and shameful (yes, apparently so). Secondly, you can’t go around having good things like peace, prosperity, and friendship unless it’s on the terms of the liberal elite. That’s one of the rules.

Prominent fruitloop Remainers have stated that they will never use nor accept the coin. Others have suggested carrying around a permanent marker pen to emblazon them with the letters EU, or even a swastika. Yes, really – and on the 75th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz’. Stay classy, you wackadoodle gimps. Others have even advocated burying them in order to force them out of circulation. Good news for metal detector enthusiasts in the 25th century, then. Perhaps this is what they meant by Brexit will make us all poorer?

As for those who will refuse to accept the new coin in their change, I forecast scenarios where they leave the shop 50 pence short or get nicked for a breach of the peace. Guys, you may need that 50p for your phone call from the cells, so please do look before you leap.

Similarly, pro-Brexit wackadoo sociopaths are proclaiming the coin as a mark of victory in the battle for independence. Yeah, we’ll be loading up our nerf guns with them to shoot those pesky asylum-seekers, you freaktards. Talk about creative narratives. The coins are commemorative, not celebratory and are marking a milestone. It says nothing about any achievement, win or glorification of the Empire. Over and above the recognition of a diary date, any sentiment you attribute to the coin exists only in your fertile jingo-bells cerebral vacuum.

All the rantings – whether abject fury or mind-bent triumphalism – about this minted token are absolute bollocks. It’s a freaking coin.

I mean, to have been truly controversial, the Government could have minted 52p celebratory coins. Or, as some wag has opined, 32p coins which is what they might be worth in a year’s time.

Interestingly, the only people with a valid argument against the coins in their current format are the grammarians who have raised an objection to the absence of a serial (or Oxford) comma before and on the slogan. If you think that the Remain-Leave altercations have become toxic, this particular bent takes extremity to the farthest pole. Put simply, this comma is optional, but supporters deem it essential (one commentator said yesterday that its absence was killing him). Some just use it to avoid ambiguity. On the coin in its present incarnation, you could contend that we are now apparently seeking peace (one goal) and prosperity and friendship with all nations (another goal). The addition of a comma would make it clear that peace, prosperity, and friendship with others reflected three ideas. Others might assert that the intended meaning is obvious or even that (from an economic market perspective) both meanings are possible and calculated. Perhaps the pedants have missed some of the creative richness of the new UK?

But who really gives a toss, or is this just another proxy argument that plagued the efforts to resolve the Brexit debate in the last few years? Ranting on about any line of reason (or otherwise) that will stick instead of the fundamental issues?

But take a step back and look at all this in the cold light of day. All those feuding are not only fully-grown adults but in some cases are purported elder statesmen of our political classes. No wonder the public have lost faith in our third-rate politicians. In fact, do they even reach the status of being even third-rate? A lot of them are just hangers-on who never actually attained elected office. Twerps with too much time on their hands and a need for the oxygen of publicity.

The whole excruciating debate does rather exemplify the crux of Leave-Remain argumentation over the last 4 years. While people voted in whatever way for a multitude of reasons that will never be unravelled, the altercations themselves were always based on emotion. Facts were simply swatted to one side or in some cases were arguably never even appropriated.

I mean, only yesterday, two prominent British broadsheets (The Times and the Daily Mail) used the metonym Strasbourg in reference to the European Court of Justice which is actually based in Kirchberg, Luxembourg City. It’s the European Court of Human Rights that is situated in Strasbourg.

It seems like facts have become as obsolete as the fax.

More egregious still, there were other politicians who were equipped with the factual knowledge on the EU but who took the view that this was too complicated for the people to understand. You know who they were, as they are the ones who put their heads above the parapet after the referendum result in order to build the respective cases for Remain and Leave, while simultaneously making the case for why the referendum of the people should never have been permitted.

The said sod-all during the campaign though. If they had built their cogent rationales prior to the vote, the whole debate – and possibly the outcome – may have unfolded somewhat differently.

But this is what we are reduced to now, bickering over a coin. Meanwhile, screwball Remainers are urging their kooky apparatchiks to buy Andre Rieu’s Ode To Joy (his cover of the piece that is the EU anthem) so that it is top of the download charts on 31st January.

Yee-hah, that’ll show ’em! Meanwhile, Andre Rieu’s publicist is pissing his pants laughing. Totally rinsing it. And most people in the UK probably don’t even realise that there is a download chart.

It’s like a playground argument over a frayed and dilapidated tennis ball. Ladies and gentlemen, British politics is now firmly entrenched in a post-fact era.

We’ll have to wait until after 31st January to see whether there is the prospect of any change. As long as the headbanger Remainers haven’t buried it somewhere, that is.

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