Man Over-Bored

As I’ve mentioned already, it won’t be the virus that kills you. It will be the circus that has gone woomph around us. And there is no shortage of clowns. We do nevertheless appear to be favouring collapsing economies over collapsing cars.

It’s boring me rigid now.

All those asshats posting messages on LinkedIn or Twitter to tell everybody:

I’d never realised how lucky I was to work for such a great company as I do #teamx #teamxfamily #teamxonelove.

It’s getting painful. In their heart of hearts, they must know that they don’t give one slight turd pebble about their job – only their salary – and that their company reciprocates that selfish outlook accordingly.

They just need to stop using the current pseudo-crisis to build indirect, sub-tweeted brownie points based on viral #coronabollocks. They’re going to be kicked to the kerb when the economic situation demands it, and they would already have been, had Mr Sunak not chucked in a few notes to their boss to get them off the hook. That support won’t last forever, and it will end when the green shoots are visible but when a lot of businesses are still floundering. Then we’ll see a shift in tone.

If employees take anything from this clusterfuck, they should grab their dignity with their coat on the way out for their daily allotted exercise. Instead, they’ll likely be sharing cringeworthy, virtue-signalling clap for the NHS videos in a lame attempt to inhale some of that kudos-flavoured vape.

In other workplace news, more chickadees are waddling back home to roost now that the Government will now be supporting the self-employed in the same way as employed staff. The sweetest part of this is that it will be based on the average earnings over the last 1 to 3 years (as applicable). That’s a sweet payback for all the cash-in-hand shysters who have been deliberately understating their earnings for tax reasons.

And they’re all complaining about not getting their money until July? A bit rich coming from a plumber or an electrician. Try getting availability from them to come around soon when you’ve got an emergency unless you fork out a fee that would make the Sultan of Brunei tighten his bum cheeks.

Meanwhile, in Europe, our wankademous chums in the EU are encountering their greatest challenge ever. No, not Brexit or even the coronavirus. The fact that there is now an immediate and urgent need to fork out cash and no clear pathway to kicking the whole shebang down the road for another day. All of a sudden, they’re in the ghost light – that’s the one that stays on in theatres even after all the other actors have gone home.

And with each day that passes, it’s becoming abundantly clear that, as an organisation, there’s very little capability to ad-lib once the autocue goes down. As a distraction tactic, they are all thrusting their PR tools into the assorted social media whores to slap each other on the backs (and not violently enough in my view) for the assistance Germany has provided in ferrying two coronavictims from Italy to intensive care beds in the Fatherland. Great for the two patients, but it’s all for show. And hardly an EU success.

In fairness to Germany though, it’s not the first time they’ve stepped in to help independently. At the end of the day, it’s manifestly evident that the Germans have a greater sense of European identity and responsibility than the EU.

The concept of EU-27 Unity that was pumped so furiously by the EU when it suited them has now transitioned from theory into practice via the corona catalyst. The 27 members will undoubtedly now realise that they are united only in the sense that they all know how much they’re being screwed (or scr-EU-ed). This isn’t an argument against the existence of the EU – more one in favour of fundamental reform. In previously resisting that, the EU paved the way for a UK referendum. Maybe now, they’ll learn the lesson before it truly is too late. It may be realised that this virus panic has strengthened the case for European unity but not necessarily in the form of EU membership.

And to illustrate the point with some excruciatingly painful facts, you can look to China’s large-scale support with medical equipment and Russia’s subsequent further injection of aid, which makes the EU’s assistance as helpful as an injection of AIDS.
Meanwhile, the head honchos of the EU are currently squabbling over the wording of a summit response (quell surprise), which loosely translates as ‘something that will appease Germany, France and The Netherlands, who are about to be stiffed with Spain’s and Italy’s corona tab’.

Mr Trump is another one who’s about to hit the buffers. The montage campaign video released by Joe Biden that catalogues his coronavirus response (or lack thereof) may be the beginning of the end for the Orange-u-tan. Even the Mexicans have stepped in to complain about US citizens crossing the border into their country (I guess that must mean pole-vaulting) and spreading the germ. Ouch.

You know, this corona-toss really has created a straw man that is leaving the big-shot players floundering. It’s an unprecedented off-script scenario that has in a stroke rendered redundant the well-versed, trotted-out routines of the fat cats, exposing some truly terminal skills gaps.

It’s the most effective assessment centre ever undertaken (arguably not a high bar in itself) and frankly they all need to be defenestrated without delay. It seems that what goes around comes around, and the fall out will result in more than one man overboard.

By that point, we’ll all be sick of the virus, if not sick by it.

unsplash-logoTonny Tran

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