Top of the Populists

This week’s edition of Top of the Populists comes directly from Downing Street as Boris looks straight into the camera while surreptitiously abusing members of the audience.

Blondie and the gang are rapidly closing the gap on Jimmy Savile’s scumometer needle reading, but surely not even Jim could have fixed this clusterfuck.

Even keen Brexiters aren’t swallowing that inverted pyramid of de Pfeffel about the EU blockading the island of Ireland. What with, emails and €500 expensed Chablis?

Framing the EU as some sort of crusader for the break-up of the UK is the discourse of neanderthal populism. Yes, the Brussels psycho-federalists are shameless shysters gorging on protectionist wonga, but they are astute politicians who comprehend the essentials of legality. They just want the Brexit matter done and dusted, so they can get on with the thankless task of cohering 27 countries who largely hate each other’s guts.

If the Beurocrats did go on a bad faith bender, then that would be the time to step in and take action – and to do so from the moral high ground. A couple of lawyers on a gunboat would do it and dispense with 20-odd official translations to boot.

Instead, we have reputationally browned our trousers and have the absurd spectacle of ministers straining for national news spots to state the case for international law-breaking. Indeed, the very same ministers who had for months been running scared of any two-bit journalist brandishing a sticky question or two about COVID.

Talk about prioritising arse-kissing over duty. But let’s briefly unpack what these bottom-feeding, ministerial invertebrates are actually implying.

It looks like they are inadvertently acknowledging that Bozo had agreed to a treaty that would put the Northern Ireland peace process at risk.

And that would surely mean that the Tory clan had fought a General Election on a manifesto that had promised to implement that treaty?

And what of the 21 MPs whom Boris had sacked last year when they had supported the Benn Act. From memory, the defenestrated lawmakers had been pushing only for more time to scrutinise the Withdrawal Agreement. Isn’t that what the bland blond is now intimating he wished he’d had?

Now then, now then. What do we have here then? It looks like a rogue government who are criminals by admission and buffoons on the strength of all the evidence.

And we might as well chuck in the liar and hypocrite labels as well. After all, nobody has done more to earn such accolades.

It’s as if these charlatans truly believe that we don’t have functioning memories, let alone the ability to rationalise facts.

I think I’d have more confidence in Savile if they dug him up and Frankensteined him into Number 10.

We’d all be a lot safer.

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