Steer Calmer

So, the man Diane Abbott had once inadvertently christened ‘Steer Calmer‘ has finally made an impact. Unfortunately, it was not in matters political, and some hapless cyclist was upended at a junction in Kentish Town by Sir Keir’s quintessentially social democratic SUV.

Comatose Keir likely indicated left but moved to the right before toddling off in the middle of the road. All strictly in accordance with the current guidance on socialist distancing.

Seriously, he did stop to check on the pedaller but gave the cops a deft swerve and dispensed with the traditional formality of blowing hot air at the scene. He’ll doubtless save that for one of his ketamine-strength tweets.

Messages of sympathy from left-wingers have flooded in because they know only too well what it’s like to be thrown under a bus by the eminent brief. Regrettably, he has not yet swerved into Johnson and his peloton of piffle-peddlers with homogenous verve.

In spite of 9 months of Conservative catastrofucking, polls suggest that the Team Bastard still holds a 1-point lead over Team Blustered. At least this fortuitous street prang might finally get the Starmbannführer 3 points ahead of Johnson, even if it is in only the driving licence stakes.

In fairness, he was probably attempting to overtake the Rashford bandwagon after several lame attempts by his millionaire front bench to hop onto it. After all, the fair-weather Fabians have been gagging to snare some credit for school meals campaign glory even though Labour has done sod all on what should have been their battle from the start.

What a shame that Sir Keir cannot lead as assertively as he drives. On the chaotic COVID political highways, he is the plodding, wheezing cyclist.

And we know already how that tends to end.

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