Motion Lotion

A year on, and commentators are seeking to assess Keir Starmer’s progress as the Labour Leader.

Now, that’s a real toughie because he hasn’t really done anything. Try to imagine an Israeli opposition leader never managing to surpass level-pegging with Hitler, and you’ll probably be in the right ballpark.

In its wildest dreams (which judging by the uninspiring mugs on the opposition front bench will probably not top Bicester let alone Ibiza), Labour will never have a better 12 months than those just passed to have a few hefty swings at the toerags in office.

In truth they have not even managed an air-shot.

Slur Keith is, mais oui, loved by all the dough-hungry, faux social democrats who cram their lardy frames into the vast, centre-left, luvvie arena, and who spend every waking day deflecting our attention from their own very Johnsonesque, multi-million-pound investment empires.

And of course, he is peak, brittle wanksock for the client-journalist, woke commentariat who dress up their hatred for Corbyn with vacuous punishment plaudits for the man who succeeded him. They still haven’t got over Corby and feel the need to big up the Starmbannführer in order to drum up a sense of self-fellating, relative superiority.

But they’ve missed the one hefty, sledgehammer point: even if you loathed the Corbachev manifesto, Jezza walks the politician gig by a country mile.

He believed in causes and fought them – and still does.

Ultimately, the only thing Starmer stands for is parliament every five years. It really doesn’t go much deeper than that.

It’s that journeyman careerism that lies at the heart of our current political malaise. They are treating our national politics in the same way that shyster senior managers used to rinse the contact centre space: snag a well-paid job and spend the next 15 years hopping in and out of positions without touching the detail.

A sort of a careerist, find-the-lady, tag-team odyssey.

At the end of it, they would fashion whole careers out of precisely jack shit. They would never achieve or deliver anything of substance, save a list of paper-credible appointments and their own personal pile of wonga. And meanwhile, everything would limp along regardless.

The job was just their own personal motion lotion that would allow them to pump the system with minimal friction.

It was always the way that politicians did the partisan stuff, and civil servants administered dutifully and impartially.

Now we have a whole generation of politicians going through the motions and hoovering up whatever they can.

5 years in the cash-grab machine with our tax-banknotes swirling around them.

You won’t see principled opposition from the Labour clowns.

They just want, in due course, to clean up themselves.

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