We’re a fortnight or so into the General Election campaign, and frankly it’s not pretty – unless pretty boring counts.

Slippery Sunake has slithered from gaffe to gaffe, and the latest D-Day debacle has surely sealed his fate.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the Tories ditched him mid-campaign in a coup d’étwat.

As for Slur Keith, well, he gets irony as much as he does politics in repeatedly emphasising that his father was a toolmaker.

Meanwhile, anodyne Ed Davey was at an old folks’ home, slapping a beachball with drumsticks to ‘We Will Rock You’.

Some decent policies from you certainly would, Ed.

His father was evidently a toolmaker too. Bom tish!

But enough about the, ahem, ‘leaders’. The whole election thang has just run out of steam because nobody has a clear manifesto, or more precisely gives a toss about making the UK a better place.

It feels like a European election: a bored electorate faced with grifter cabals desperate for another term on the gravy train.

As ever, the only thing these jokers stand for is Parliament.

I have a sneaking suspicion that 4 July will see a record for low turnout.

And that may mean we are left with a closer-run race that anybody might ever have expected.

And another disappointing erection.