Tag: Liberal Democrats
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Message Parlour
BREAKING; Slur Keir’s hanging on as he won’t ‘plunge the country into chaos’. Let. That. Sink. In. The prophetically named Sarah Sackman was wheeled out, gaslighting hard, to advise that the momentous poll spanking was the expected mid-term free-hit that all governments expect. Well, yes, if they go route one to tank their manifesto pledges.…
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General Erections
We’re a fortnight or so into the General Election campaign, and frankly it’s not pretty – unless pretty boring counts. Slippery Sunake has slithered from gaffe to gaffe, and the latest D-Day debacle has surely sealed his fate. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Tories ditched him mid-campaign in a coup d’étwat. As for Slur…
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Confidence Trick
Chaos reigns in the parallel universe of UK Politics. Hard-right loon Natalie Hellfucke has defected to Labour. Not only that, but Sir Drear has been parading her centre-stage. Not sure what the fuss is all about, though? It’s hardly a surprise that Starmer, a man who has no evident political compass, is a ruthless and…
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Hard-On
It seems to be a trend in all Labour parties across the Anglophone sphere to pack out the ranks with cronyist dynasty droids, blather on about social democracy, and rake in the cash. Now that Cindy Hardon has been sussed – although handing over slices of de facto sovereignty to Beijing can’t have endeared her…
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Crisp Incher
A few months ago, Custard Bag overhauled the team in The Cabinet Office in order to design out habitual gaffing, and an integral part of the incoming administrative A-team was Chris Pincher. That didn’t age well. He’s now copped his P45 after having a couple of beers and groping a pair of hairly blokes, like…
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The Great Pretenders
Forget inflation, recession, and COVID. The greatest threat to progress is our susceptibility to the charms of the Great Pretender. And there’s an emphasis on the word ‘pretend’. Earlier this year, Keir Starmer called out Johnson and pushed for his resignation simply because the latter was under police investigation. This was a prime minister in…
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Shambollocks
As a nation, we all still appear to be in perpetual shock that in voting for Boris Johnson, we ended up getting Boris Johnson. He is clearly the toast of the Conservative Party, of course in the crispy, charred sense. For a loquacious smith of words, his non-apology was as transparent as Fishy Rishi’s 200-mile-away…
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Ho-De-Hopeless
This week, Diabolic Cummings released WhatsApp messages in which Boris Johnson had denounced Matt Hancock as ‘hopeless’. For his part, Hancock had then responded to a press question of, ‘are you hopeless?’ with a, ‘I don’t think so’. He didn’t sound too convinced either way. Poor old door matt – however, the way he’s survived…
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Base Graft
We’ve had backstops, level playing fields, hard & soft Brexits and a veritable shower of various other petals of EU word-confetti. The UK has of course added its own: oven-ready, Canada-Plus and Australian terms. All of them designed to label something that their patrons never progress to articulate beyond a one-liner. And now, there is…
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Clap-Trap
So, it’s a wrap. Or at least, we think it is. And as predicted, some bod – to whom the nation must surely be eternally grateful – has popped up to signal the end of the weekly clap. In fact, it’s the very person who had been credited with its initiation, so perhaps we’ll can…
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