Author: Max Frances
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McLovin It
In Paraguay, former Brazilian football megastar Ronaldinho has been arrested for entering the country on fake documents. Yes, this is one of a handful of the most recognisable people on the planet, and the said document was in his own real name. It’s stratospherically wacko. In fact, this was no border incident per se, and…
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7 Months…and Counting…
So, the impact of the coronavirus has now peaked at a hitherto unimaginable level: they’ve postponed the release of the new Bond movie by 7 months. Now it has got serious. An ironic travesty, considering that Bond – co-piloting a Moonraker shuttle – once laser-zapped and obliterated globes containing deadly nerve gas from space before…
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Scum On Down
Writing can be a thankless task, particularly when you have a penchant for getting down and dirty and hitting it from the left-field. So many are institutionalised within approved echo-chambers that their independent thought processes no longer function correctly – if at all. Add to this an omnipresent reluctance of those in the know to…
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For the Greta Good
Greta Thunberg spoke at a 30,000-strong rally in Bristol last week, which was great for all the kids who bunked off school to attend. Not so great however for the luxuriant lawns of the city’s College Green that were churned into a e-coli-bearing mud bath to rival the Glastonbury festival. And make no mistake, they’ll…
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Croc Rocking
A town in Australia was recently the scene of an unwelcome spectacle when some miscreant hoisted a Nazi Swastika flag from a tower. One resident was ‘sickened and appalled’; another, ‘offended and disgusted’. Now that got the old grey matter stirring. Ruffians pull these stunts in order to provoke a reaction, and that is exactly…
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Curl Up and Dye
Hair and beauty salons up and down the country have embarked on some sort of nitwit informal industrial action to ban celebrity gossip magazines in the wake of Caroline Flack’s death. I know. These chumps have the intellectual elasticity of an anvil. It’s also straight to the top of the irony class for Tracy and…
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It’s a Plant!
Looks like Harvey Weinstein is going to walk. Not in the sense of walk free, but just in that he no longer needs to huff and puff into court on a Zimmer frame like some sort of bewildered and geriatric Marcel Marceau. At one stage during his trial, I half-expected him to walk into a…
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Whistling in the Wind
A Chinese Doctor gets t-boned for speaking out about the coronavirus, and everyone is up in arms. I could understand it if he’d been dumped on for peddling powdered rhino dick, but from his perspective he was on a determined course to adhere to the Hippocratic oath. Sadly, he has shuffled off his mortal coil,…
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No Sex Please, We’re British
This week, Labour MP (and candidate for Deputy Leader) Dawn Butler stated on national TV that children are born without a biological sex. Barely reported in the press because the bonkers bar has been elevated to so high a level that pure, unadulterated biological flat-earthing is no longer man bites dog. I’m looking forward to…
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Honour Marks, Get Set…
I’ve never been one for awards and medals – I sussed out the scam while a mere lad at school. After penning a superlative account of the Ayatollah Khomeini’s return from exile in France, I was awarded a coveted gold star. Emerging triumphant and euphoric from the headmaster’s office, I encountered the class dunderhead –…
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