Tag: Football
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Platform Shoo-Ins
There’s been a push to no-platform Tommy Robinson from the Oxford Union. And USA women’s coach, Emma Hayes, has been in the populist crosshairs for her excruciating World Cup analysis. What’s the connection? Let’s speak on it. Firstly, let me be clear: Hayes is in no way an advocate for far-right politics. So, now that’s…
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FIFA Ranking
The latest edition of the FIFA World Cup is underway, and it already has the makings of a crass omnishambles. The Mexico-South Africa opener was refereed by some posturing goon, who was darting around, spaz-carding, like someone had marinated his love eggs in Chakalaka. The defender, Sithole, so christened after his parents had conceived him…
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Hell FC
A barely scraped fifth place, and some mechanical Playstation football to boot was enough to convince Liverpool bosses not to pop another shilling into the Slot machine. In doing so, they defenestrated the Dutch dud, who had laboriously removed the hubcaps from the cuckooed Kloppian climax of the previous campaign, and delivered a hearty slap…
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Fish Stew
The money-go-round has once again ignited, with the conspicuous clown cabal kick-starting their collapsible careers and staking their grossly unqualified claims to the raft of imminent Premier League vacancies. My prediction for next season? Expect nothing and still be disappointed. It’s a murky old stew of the weirdest fish. I don’t even know where to…
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You Can Keep Your Hatton
RIP Ricky Hatton – any death is sad, but it’s all the more a tragedy when the person passing still has so much life to live. Cue a minute’s applause at the Etihad. They just can’t help themselves, can they? I’d wager we’d all rather be laying to rest the cancer of virtue signalling and…
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Amorim Job
Forget Reuben Amorim for just for one second. Man United are thinking about replacing goalkeeper André Onana with an epileptic Thalidomide impaled on a clothes prop. A tasered flid would after all fare better with crosses than a poundshop Baron Samedi with two left hands. Amorim himself has demonstrated success only in outpacing the frenetic…
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Three Irons
Well, thank God that shambles is over. I’ve not been as bemused since the World Downs Syndrome Championship when Mongolia chalked up a bonus chromosome in stoppage time. If a team as manifestly cack as England can triumph in any tournament, this tells you everything you need to know about this dogshit variant of the…
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Les Misérables
Much has been made about the cosplaying of women footballers – you know, the whole on-pitch slo-mo performative dance, together with the vacuous press conferences, minging magazine articles, asshole adverts, unmeritorious medals, and the tosspot Tik Tok turdbait. The overreach and grim gaslighting are embarrassing. Perhaps a thumping by Spain in the Euro final might…
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A Flair Cop
England ‘footballer’ Jess Carter has whistled up the cops to probe the online hate directed at her. Yes, you read that right. A shedload of labour-intensive man hours will now be ploughed into an investigation about a handful of hurty words unidigitally prodded into a keyboard by some weary gobshite. Surely, it takes a bit…
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Not a Jot
RIP Diogo Jota. Let’s hope that his loved ones can now process this loss and rebuild their lives the best they can. What a shame that performative mourning didn’t roll over and go woof like the Lambo. It’s always a goulish charade, but the scum and social media hacks just can’t help themselves. The storm…
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