Category: Society
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Tone Death
The assisted dying rigmarole has served one purpose: it facilitated an opportunity for rehabilitation for all those careerist, shitehawk MPs to demonstrate that they are sensitive to meaningful social issues rather than being obsessed with the masturbatory obsession with endless wonga. So, they diarised a five-hour debate to explore a defining moment in the nation’s…
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Tyson Fury
Wowsers! I’ve not seen anybody beaten about the ring so badly since Jimmy Savile zipwired into the main dorm at Haut de la Garenne children’s home with salivated cable ties gripped in his yellowing teeth. However, while the commentariat screeches about trashed legacies, they are omitting to consider the erstwhile pugilist Tyson’s penchant for hoofing…
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No Payne, No Gain
RIP Liam Payne. Not sure who he was, but if you get off on blowing out on booze and drugs and start kicking off in a South American hotel, it’s only going in one direction. The argy-bargy 10-pointer over the balcony was probably his biggest hit and had Simone Biles nodding in appreciative envy. Shame,…
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Fingered
The least surprising bumshell of the week has been that a gazillionaire has been outed as a handsy turd who abused his position to exploit others. Who’d have thunk it? Those who should be on trial now are the gang slithering out of the woodwork to tell us that they knew about it all along.…
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Up In Smoke
The family of Rebecca Cheptegei has decided to have her buried. After all, the cremation did come first, courtesy of old flame Dickson Ndiema. There’s a joke in there screaming to get out, possibly relating to penises and bloated legs, but it will probably die of multiple organ failure before the first gargled giggle. It might…
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A Right Result
While appearances can be deceptive, footage of Lucy Letby’s arrest seemed to reflect a completely befuddled ‘girl next door’ confounded by the sudden influx of paramilitaries into her home. Yes, some murderous psychos are obviously expert actors, just as ‘you can tell are manifestly guilty just by looking at them’. And that’s why I won’t…
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Flaccid Jenas
Well, that was a spunky twenty-four hours for Jermaine Jenas. He’s pirouetted from a pugilistic ‘I can tell you I’m not happy – there are two sides to every story – and I’m going to be speaking with my lawyers on the issue’ to a pusillanimous ‘I am ashamed, and I am deeply sorry’. He…
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It’s an Unfair Cop
You don’t need to be Jack Regan to know that nicking street dealers doesn’t quash a drug epidemic. That’s picking the low-hanging fruit and boosting arrest statistics, Guv’nor. Lazy coppering provides the flagging flatfoots with a rare opportunity to appear remotely competent at the expense of UK society dropping one notch to a par with 1973…
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Abracadabbler
Hey presto! Magician David Copperfield has been stiffed with allegations of decades-long ‘Rolfharrisment’ by a string of now forty-something ex-teenagers whose memories are arguably as robust as the collapsed heels on their counterfeit Ugg boots. Yes, it’s one of those historical Yewtree-mendous investigations that will possibly soon have coppers beating down the door of Coppers.…
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Bang, Bang
I was discussing the classic Beatles album, Abbey Road, with an acquaintance and was asked what I thought about the song ‘Maxwell’s Silver Hammer’. AT THIS POINT, DO NOT BOTHER READING FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE A BEATLES AFICIONADO For various reasons, the song garners opprobrium, allegedly even from several of the band members. Hey, the…
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