Tag: Social Distancing
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Party Poop
As the covert party scandal unfolds, I for one am relieved that it wasn’t a bin bag covering a CCTV camera in that Downing Street shot of the Christmas quiz. That would have been a scandalous waste of PPE. Witnessing the defenstration of Dough Piffle will doubtless be delectable, but it won’t bring seismic change…
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Pump Goes the Weasel
Thanks to the Sun, we’ve finally discovered the reason for Matt Hancock’s permasmirk. Anybody who had touted the view that door Matt was losing his grip had clearly not clocked the telefoto snap of the slippery toad up to the hilt in some covert sidechickery or, as it’s now known, Hands – Face – Back…
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Police Farce
While the rank stupidity of a tightly grouped demonstration during a virus pandemic is arguable, let us not ignore that the protest against bolstered police power was met with the flagrant abuse of what fuzz already holds. That was exemplified by beating the crap out of mild-mannered bystanders after having first scarpered from less easy…
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Yankee Candle Randy
A woman has been attacked and has lost her life, which needs no more words in itself. A grotesque and appalling tragedy. Violence against women is a problem and needs to be tackled. But these are not revelations. How is it that one event can trigger such an outpouring now at this moment in time?…
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Suck Cess
It’s the $64,000-dollar question: how do you achieve success? I would say, precisely on your own terms. But that is not the way the world is turning. As COVID clowning forces more and more people into relative isolation, online technology has snagged a wider window of opportunity. And hot on the heels of any online…
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Clap Doubt
The 8pm clap from Westminster Bridge on Thursday. Flashing blue lamps from rows of emergency vehicles and officers standing shoulder to shoulder mingling with the assembled crowds to offer their own tribute to the NHS. The Police Commissioner was leading the throbbing mass to boot. And at a stroke, we witnessed the most public flouting…
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Musical Jeers
Another day, another piece of interference from Europe. Usually, we have to endure the hollow soundbites of ‘Renew the Union’ or some such tosh syntax fabricated to lay fresh rails for the chemin de fer du gravy. This time, however, it was different. The missive came from Angela Merkel who, while not everybody’s Tasse Tee,…
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Fastest Finger First
A new mini-series about the Ingrams who finessed their way to the jackpot on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? is being screened in the UK. With an accomplice, they blagged their way to the jackpot through a series of coughs (correct answers) and nose blows (incorrect answers). It all unfolded on 9th and 10th…
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Hyper Bottom Us
Get bitten by a dog, and disconcerting canine contemplation will hound your train of thought until your ticket gets punched. Work, friends, your next meal, or a new haircut – it all gets swept into oblivion as your focus narrows to a perpetual left-right, right-left, up-down, down-up scan of your immediate environment and an obsessively…
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