Tag: The Royal Family
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The Blartist Formerly Known As Prince
Well, that’s progress and probably the step required to pluck the Windsors from the precipice. Andrew’s is to face deprivation of his titles. But will it work? At the end of the day, integrity is doing the right thing when nobody is looking. The voluntary measures two weeks ago now seem like a tepid stab…
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The Grand Old Duke of York
In the latest edition of the death by a thousand cuts, Prince Andrew has been relieved of a few gongs and will no longer use his Duke of York title. Note that unlike Virginia Giuffre, it hasn’t been stripped, flung around like a rag doll, and binned. It feels like we are being marched up…
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Führ Right
It beats me how flying English or British flags can be deemed ‘far-right’ per se. There’s always been a blissfully ignorant irony adhering to the flag-shagging moniker being mercilessly tossed out by swivel-eyed Euro-loons, who themselves blunderbuss the horrendous gold and blue motif into their every output. There are of course the usual suspects who…
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Alter Ego
While the world seemingly rattles to hell in a handcart, Fleet Street is losing its collective tagnut croquembouche over an edited photo. It’s difficult to know where to begin with this shizzle, so let’s go straight to the bottom and head further south still. The princess tweaked a picture to improve it. That’s it. She…
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Scobie Don’t!
Hallelujah! T’is the season of gaslighting! Spunk sponge Omid Scobie has been probing the shallow waters of incredulity in suggesting that a mistranslation of his book led to the unmasking of the ‘royal racist’. Around the globe, translators are flummoxed because they’ve spent a lifetime translating verbs, nouns, adjectives, and other units of language that…
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UK Reign
As the populace of the UK celebrates the 70-year reign of HM Queen Elizabeth II, Übertit Voldamort Zelensky is desperately clinging to his 100 days of fame. He’s overshot the Warhol allowance, that’s for sure. Mate, nobody gives a toss. Yes, all the usual suspects donned your wanky blue-and-yellow ribbons when the invasion was garnering…
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Beat Beeb, Yeah!
Princes William and Harry have been steaming into the BBC this week, which is fair enough. They’re having a pop at those who had deceived their Mum. Martin Bashir still hasn’t surfaced, which is also fair enough – he is a bottom-feeder after all. He’s still struggling with the long-term effects of COVID or, as…
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Recto Verso
The UK’s Poet Laureate, Simon Armitage, has written a poem to commemorate the Duke of Edinburgh’s passing. The Prince famously loathed sycophants, which must have been a hefty burden in itself given his position in the crosshairs of the nation’s most devoted bottom-feeders. Accordingly, the poet compensated for this with wide spadefuls of pretension: Last…
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Slitty-Eyed
Our incorrigible bent for synchronised fawning made it as predictable as it was painful. And so, along with innumerable brown-tongue aficionados, a facade of pitiful, performative grieving was thrust upon the traveling public by National Rail. In doing so, they scuppered the plans of those who possessed not the requisite beady-eyed dexterity to navigate the…
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Own Goal
Perplexingly, the world seems to have worked itself into a lather about a TV interview that could induce narcolepsy in horses. As far as I understand, Prince Harry is famous because he is the second son of the next King of England, and his wife is, well, married to him. They decided to leave the…
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