With the election of Sir Keir Starmer as the new Leader of the Labour Party, I saw the hashtag #keirin trending in Twitter.

It rang a bell, so I refreshed my memory.

In cycling, Keirin is an event of Japanese origin where a host of riders circle a track on fixed-gear bicycles with no brakes, pacing themselves behind a motorbike before making a mad sprint at the end as betting fans cheer themselves into unmitigated hysteria.

Sounds ominous and foreboding – but reassuringly on-brand for the Labour Party.

Round and round in circles before a mad frenzy prior to the next election.

Welcome to the next 5 years of official opposition, everybody.

And Keir – if you’re reading this, that large crumbling building with the humongous clock? You need to go there and start scrutinising sharpish.

You’re welcome.

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