Don’t Go for the Juggler

There’s been a notable shift on coronawaffle: originally, the virus itself was used to distract attention from the lamentable shitshow of Brexit and domestic political incapability.

Now, the government’s management of the response to coronavirus needs a distraction tool of its own. Or a ventilator – if there’s a spare one available.

Step forward Matt Hancock (I am reliably informed that the Han is in fact silent) to demand that Premier League footballers take a 30% pay cut. Why he suddenly pounced on footballers is not immediately apparent, but like so many political contributions of late, it wasn’t bottomed out. In fact, it was more likely out-bottomed.

For a start, such a cut would reportedly remove £200m from HMRC coffers, so such a move would benefit clubs and not the recipients of taxpayer dough, one of whom would be the NHS. He’s also forgotten that it’s the suicidal economic policy of his own pals that has led to the guts being wrenched out of the economy in the first instance.

But I suppose that if they can ignite a fire under footballers, they will divert anxiety and anger away from the catastrofudge that they’ve cooked up across the board. It’s a mess that is worsening by the hour, and there doesn’t seem to be a discernible road map towards an exit. Sooner or later, we’re all going to have to step outside and deal with what’s going to be out there. It isn’t going to be pretty – or Priti if the Civil Service has its way.

Hand solo, the estimable Mr Cock, doubled up on his pay cut rant with a threat to tighten up on ‘the rules’, remaining blissfully unaware that the existing rules to which he refers are not actually rules. It’s as if they believe that continuing to repeat that their guidance is law will make it so. But you can understand why it’s deemed to be a meritorious strategy if nitwits believing fake news have burned down 5g transmitters that they’d heard were spreading the virus.

This time, the Government eviscerated sunbathers. I wonder whether they’ll summon up the balls to crack down on some of the really nefarious scumbags anytime soon?

It would’ve been more meaningful to direct his ire onto football clubs who were retaining gazillionaire players on full wonga while trousering government bread by furloughing the typing pool. Or billionaires who siphon offshore and have tried to eke out a hefty slice from the Government loaf instead of dipping into their own mothballed pouches. They’re the ones who need to be toast in this town – rather than being the toast of the town.

Now, the bailout loopholes for those snakes represent some rules that Mattie Cock and his chums need to attend to.

But in our post-fact universe, nothing stands up to scrutiny any longer – and there’s been precious little of that during this bugs’ muddle.

The Labour posse have been on some Nero-beano for 3 months now, almost exclusively silent when you’d have thought that showing leadership might have been unequivocally advantageous.

Former Barrister Sir Keir was out and about today though sadly his PR clown forgot to advise him that rolling up your sleeves is generally interpreted as wanting to show you mean business rather than meaning business.

He’s probably more preoccupied with how he might have an adult conversation about shadow cabinet roles for the defeated candidates who will doubtless be claiming that they won the argument.

Of course, they didn’t win or lose the leadership vote per se, because they were never at the races. They would have been in the race only to whip up enough support to guarantee a shadow cabinet promotion.

I wouldn’t even have given them jobs as Baristas.

So, until Keir gets up to speed, meaningful opposition appears to now be structured over high-follower Twitter accounts, which have been lucidly informative and hysterically misleading in equal measure.

Shouting themselves puce while juggling burning data, views, and judgments while the clowns continue with their administration of the central farce.

But even the old women of Twatter are running out of steam. Arguments are now largely retweets with few developments of the salient arguments and comments being reduced to an introductory device of THIS>>>, which is starting to grate to the same extent as the phrase ‘That is all.’ that bonkers bloggers would tack onto the end of their statements instead of using a simple full stop.

Like many, I’d welcome some substantial opposition to help steer us out of this mess. I mean, you’d think that Keir and the gang would not have to try too hard to come up with the necessary ammunition. First job, though, will be to sort out the circus.

Which will mean going for the clowns and not the juggler.

unsplash-logoLevi Saunders

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