It’s customary for the US Presidential Election to be followed by a transition period, but in this context, you have to wonder whether there would be any point in it. Hard to imagine that Joe Biden will have too much interest in slicing tee-offs, spaffing investor cash, and grabbing pussy.

‘Stop the count!’ was the eye-bulging, hellacious howl of the Trumpist pitchfork jabbers, of more aptly, Jabbas. Remove the second ‘o’, and the refrain becomes instantly mainstream.

The CIA, though, should be straight on the blower to their IT team to disable the big red button, at least until the Tangerine Tornado has been airlifted out to his chosen bolthole. Always a worry that he might just launch a few at the Kremlin for the heck of it. Nothing like having a pop at the old boss, eh?

The thought of Moscow having kompromat on him might be titillating for some, but it’s a bit of a stretch. He’s spent the last four years exposing himself as a total twat, so getting caught hanging out of the back of some Eastern European blart would only enhance his personal reputation.

Maybe the Russians had forced him to run in the first instance and were threatening him with a second term? You have to feel that, ego aside, he never really wanted the actual job of the President. He probably still doesn’t, but he wants out on his own terms. He ought to give No.10 a call to swap notes with Boris Johnson, another prisoner of his own ego.

Perhaps the past four years have represented an exercise in evidential negation. Whatever your politics, there is no doubt of his cunning. His hair alone proves his ability to defy logic and physics.

Can this courtroom hysteria be anything other than a way of ratcheting up the fear of chaos amid a worsening social meltdown mid-COVID? After all, it’s a favoured tactic of the bully with no case and bags of cash to recourse to the law for leverage. A bargaining chip that can be de-escalated in exchange for meeting halfway and a discreet or remodelled exit.

Generally, plaintiffs with weak cases have no intention of seeing it all out to a final determination of the court. They just use the process of litigation to hassle, financially cripple, and bully their way to their chosen objective. That’s arguably the strategy for many terrorists; build up a narrative of corruption and a credible degree of fear, or at least a fear of chaos, for a subsequent negotiating position. And Cheeto Jesus is undoubtedly a terrorist of sorts, or alternatively as some wag put it, ‘Rome burning in man form’. Forget the notion of bent ballots – there’s only one fiddler in town.

The terms of the ‘Screaming Carrot’s’ departure will nevertheless be the first major decision of the new administration. And however they do it, there can be no deals and no softening of the blow. He’s lost. Any countenance of his whinging would only detract from the significance of sanity returning to the fold. It would be a let-off without merit.

Trump getting let off is only going to raise a stink. They just need to give him enough rope and let him stagger on with the legal shenanigans. If his underlings fan the flames of electoral fraud, he can keep alive the notion that he was never a loser. If there is no deal, he has to either quit or lose in court with the world watching.

And then it’s ‘bye, den’.