Never Knowingly Undertrolled

So Keith went out for a leisurely afternoon troll, pondering wallpaper in John Lewis to rustle up a photo op of sorts for the craven lefty press.

Hilarious, Sir Drear.

I was just surprised he hadn’t spent 3 hours poring over the plain magnolia before walking out empty-handed.

At a time when it should be touché all the way, he can’t get it together to put the UK’s most prolific pork-swordsman to the, er, sword.

These parlour tricks are what passes for opposition nowadays.

Ok, so this week he got Blatherball riled in the House – big deal. He wound him up, but that’s not landing any meaningful blows. You cannot attack Flubberdubber’s integrity, because he hasn’t got any.

Starmzy’s performance could not even be deemed the work of a top lawyer, unless you get off on the type of haranguing that finds its way under the skin of rape victims.

These were just a few jibes that would have lead-ballooned in a sixth-form debating society shindig: a wind-up on a par with zoo-visiting schoolkids making deliberate eye-contact with the alpha-male gorilla.

After all, had he been all that top-notch at prosecution lawyering when he was a prosecution lawyer, he might have skewered Jimmy Savile.

But forget the judgement of a man who was not even able to spot that Savile’s fingers stank more than his odious reputation.

The fact that he chose John Lewis in which to unveil his cunning stunt tells you just how wide of the mark his leadership is. That wallpaper toss won’t resonate with the Labour voters outside the faux soft-left enclaves of North London.

This Government has been there for the taking for the last 12 months, but unless Starmer can articulate a stimulating, alternative vision, the shyster cabal will remain in power.

While desperate for the Government to be never knowingly undertrolled, Sir Keith is missing the point – and the boat.

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