Ropey Handle

Oh dear. The way things are going, some sizeable chunks of that Chinese rocket are likely to rain down on Keith’s gas guzzler.

As matters stand, you could probably cut through the atmosphere at Labour HQ with a knife, let alone giant shards of Beijing tin can.

And this time, there’s no convenient Corbed ball to chuck into the debate. Jezza had held Hartlepool twice during his tenure, and that was a constituency that happily used to return big wins for arch-weapon Peter Mandelson.

That’s some nosedive then for Starmzy.

Forget leadership challengers – this was more Space Shuttle Challenger.

If Corbyn had gone phut because the electorate did not buy his policies, that is one thing. Starmer is coming a cropper because the electorate hasn’t bought his pretence that he believes in, well, anything at all.

That’s even worse than the old New Labour philosophy of just changing policies rather than changing people’s minds. It’s actually very Marxist, but in the Groucho sense: ‘those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others’.

Keir just doesn’t have any at all and no others in reserve.

But the bloodbath was hardly a ‘shattering’ revelation. More like the culmination of 13 months’ impending doom. It’s what perpetual abstention does to your brand, or worse still, when it becomes your brand.

Ultimately, the dawning truth is that voters will plump for politicians who might not have favourable policies – and who might even be disreputable – over those who have neither vision nor get-up-and-go.

At least crackpot enterprises will have some beta effects. We can all see that Tory shenanigans have fallen away from the consciousness in the shadow of a monumental vaccine success.

Even Starmer’s post-mortem was vacuous blather. He ‘took full responsibility‘, which meant words about responsibility and sod all else. No talk of stepping down, though, because careerists, like charlatans, don’t do honour. They adhere rigidly to their objectives, which are power, glory, and whatever else floats their own personal boat. Rarely is that any form of public service for the greater good.

He’s not wholly to blame though. This is a party that has long since been hijacked by those motivated by guilt-free wealth.

They are however treading treacle because of a dearth of competent players who can carry it off. There’s no shortage of avarice and deception among the ranks, but they are all way too transparent on motive and pisspoor on delivery.

At least Tory rogues just get on with shameless chicanery. The Labour front bench is crammed with self-serving, witless buffoons whose politics wouldn’t pass muster in an inner-city sixth-form common room.

Most so-called ‘senior’ Labour figures spend their days orchestrating Twitter pile-ons and subsequently making sexed-up police reports when weary trolls ping back the odd barb.

All jumping on the ‘Jo Cox was my dear friend bandwagon’ and making out they are the next in line for swift shoot-stab combo. All precious and needy political tyre-kickers.

Some of these are already being touted as successors to Cardboard Keith.

Successors with no reasonable prospect of success, as a lawyer might say.

If Starmer is ‘clear in his mind’ about failings and is ‘determined to fix them’, why hadn’t he done that all from the get-go after the purported Corbyn debacle?

I think we all know the answer.

His handle on political acumen is fundamentally ropey, and his motivations grotesquely misplaced.

But at least the Tories love him.

Like they love all the Labour gobshites making the most of their 5 years in the parliamentary cash-grab booth.

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