Migrants are once again sticking their oar in, and politicians and commentators are rowing in the wrong direction.

The row this time is about UK Border Force plans to block passage and push them back to France.

Sounds pretty reasonable to me. If I go steaming into a shop to rob it, I’ll expect to be challenged by security guards.

Whatever the bleeding liberal hearts will tell you, this isn’t about people separate to flee for their lives. That might arguably have been the case before they rocked up in Europe, but not now.

At this point it’s all about economic migration.

The boatpeople are risking life and limb for a free flat, endless social services goody bags, and a life on benefits. Those with a little more ambition will be picking fruits and probably pockets.

Border Force has no other option but to physically block them because the system already cannot cope. Kent County Council is buckling under the weight of new arrivals, and Sports Direct can’t keep up with the demand for jogging bottoms and giant mugs.

Arguably, the real giant mugs are the ones who believe the discourse that these bobbing boats are being put at risk by the UK authorities. We tell kids not to play on the railway lines because they might get splattered by locomotives. The same goes for locos getting into holiday inflatables and venturing out into choppy waters.

The wannabe matelots are themselves setting the value on their own lives.

As for the sopping wet commentariat, they are working themselves into a lather over their shrieking criticism for the UK Government’s ‘unreasonable’ request for France to shoulder some responsibility (because of Brexit) and their strident support for France’s haughty warnings that the UK must manage the crisis in a manner that is palatable to them.

More cake, anyone? Make it fruitcake.

I do feel sorry for all those daft bints who used to visit the camps in Calais with food parcels with the same desperation for companionship that the floaters have for free readies. If all the dingy, dinghy desperadoes succeed in scarpering, the lonesome chicks will have to do their thang in the old-fashioned way and get themselves a Texas death-row penpal. A holiday in Gambia might also do the trick.

But this barmy episode might now have a further twist.

Anyone being shunted might now scuttle their own boats, which will – you’ve guessed it – mean that Border Force patrols will be forced to rescue them.

And if the mental mariners can spin it that they were rammed, it will be plain sailing to even greater treasures.

Aye, aye Captain!