Novak Djokovic has just been nicked, which should make for a fascinating episode of Border Security: Australia’s Front Line in due course. He’s off to the relative comfort of a ‘detention hotel’ along with various miscreants with their undeclared apples, bags of fish guts, and dried cat penises.

If he does appeal it, we’re all going to have to slowhand clap until the decision comes back.

Back on the plot, and with the UK witnessing record levels of people signed off work perfectly well, flip-flop Fatsack has opted to mandate isolation after positive lateral flow tests, without needing confirmation from a lab-verified PCR. Yes, those very same tests that previously required formal confirmation because of the risk of inaccurate results. This kicks off in five days’ time, which necessarily makes all the testing taking place up to that point wholly superfluous.

Thank God we’re not all at breaking point with resources and the like…

This is known as ‘following the science only if the science fits the achievement of your objectives’, or even ‘going with the flow’.

Meanwhile, our political masters were keeping everything ticking over as per the norm, or to be more precise, as per the Norman Wisdom. Thankfully, Drear Starmer was absent from PMQs after finally coming up with something positive.

With Flangela at the helm, credible opposition was left to the Tory backbenchers and expressed through the deliciously ironic spectacle of Jeremy Hunt unashamedly criticising the past failures of Jeremy Hunt.

And finally to Bristol, where lawyers at the Clown Court successfully argued that a statue that had been standing largely inconspicuously for several hundred years had been the real perpetrator of heinous hate crimes.

Another perforated piece in the lengthy tissue of farce that unrolls and unrolls and shows that we’ve all fallen far further than Colston himself.