The Best Lines

At last we had sight of the Sue Gray report, for all the progress that meant. Starmer delivered a withering speech, which was well-composed, accurate, and powerful.

What a shame his speechwriter isn’t gunning for the top job.

At the moment, the Labour front bench is undoubtedly getting all the best lines (guffaw), but none of it is cutting through, or the gear (giggle). It is evident to all but the most egregious social democratic sycophants that opposition is about credibility to govern, and there’s little of that at the bottom of the barrel to the left of the Speaker.

And lo, Custard Sack, having kept his powder dry, wiped the floor with him, slotting in a veiled allegation of drug-taking to boot and detonating a cheeky Savile depth charge. I knew those MI5 files would come in handy.

Cue uproar.

And a moment of truth soon dawned on us: it’s unacceptable in faux lefty circles to blame Sir Keith for any failure in his watch, but perfectly ok to tar Johnson with that very same brush.

I’m actually OK with both fabulously wealthy multi-millionaire charlatans being ripped a new one for their obvious failures and their rinsing of public offices for personal enrichment.

And there was more.

It was appalling to slate a man knighted by the Queen for distinguished service, they snorted.

Perhaps the same thoughts had gone through Keith’s mind as he pondered the Savile case. And does anybody really believe that he had never had a sly gander at arguably the highest-profile case at that time? If that file never crossed his desk before the yay/nay decision was rubberstamped, I’ll eat my khat.

Not that it matters one jot by his own rationale, as we can deduce from the shade he has been throwing on Cakeboy, irrespective of the latter’s actual presence at socially snug shindigs during lockdown.

It was, though, a big old truth bomb that left Sir Turd puce, piqued, and poleaxed.

The comrades from the tooting popular front have an awful lot of work to do if they’re going to steal a march onto Number 10 in spite of this gang being the weakest and most debased bunch of criminals in government history.

And that includes the Bolivian government, with or without the snow.

Powder to the people!

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