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Saved by the Bell
There’s something about our schooldays – and how we relate to them – that I’ll never truly understand. Particularly comprehensive schools, the like of which I frequented in the 1980s. When you were guests at these august institutions, the whole process felt torturous, and you couldn’t wait to leave. The desperation was palpable. Grey but…
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Let’s Eat, Grandma…
While we appear to be teetering on the edge of World War III (or at least that’s what you might be led to believe from certain online sources), I have been grappling with a far greater foe. English grammar. Now, I’ve always been somewhat a stickler for grammatical rules. And I’ve previously written in an…
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Who, Janus?
So, January 1st and a New Year. But it was not always the case that celebrations took place in the month of January. In Ancient Rome, the calendar followed the lunar cycle, so the New Year fell in March. For the January gig, you can blame a chap called Sosigenes – an astronomer – who persuaded…
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For Fox Sake…
Well, my Boxing Day was relatively quiet – just how I like it. Though not everybody could say the same. Prominent Remain lawyer Jo Maugham QC was out in his back garden, too-small-satin-kimono-clad, duly dispatching a wild fox that had strayed into his chicken complex (no pun intended). As per the current penchant for microblogging,…
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Monkey Business
I was flabbergasted by the accusations of racist chanting at Tottenham Hotspur last week. Well, it’s just that I wasn’t initially convinced that the monkey noises were anything other than their own primitive attempts to communicate. Just wait until Spurs become fully Mourinhoed into the institutionalised 1-0 – that’ll teach ‘em. I mean, one of…
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Let’s Snip It in the Bud…
The author JK Rowling has been lambasted for tweeting a message of support for somebody who has lost an employment tribunal, in which they failed to secure legal protection for their support of the position that ‘sex is real’ and therefore cannot be changed. The Twatosphere has gone into meltdown. People cannot contain themselves. But…
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A State of Denial
Just when you thought that we had had enough madness for one year, think again. A petition has been launched to press the PM to ask the EU for an opt-in associate membership for UK citizens. In other words, Remain for all has failed, but we would like a non-reciprocal Remain deal for ourselves. Is…
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A Crisis of Competence
As the dust begins to settle, both Labour and Liberal Democrat parties in the UK are contemplating their imminent leadership changes. So, you can well imagine an army of potential superstars waiting in the wings, right? Wrong. There is of course no dearth of volunteers for both posts, though both parties are afflicted by a…
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Don’t Blame It on the Sunshine
So, it’s all determined. A thumping majority for the Tories and the worst showing for Labour since 1935. And the analysis had already hit full throttle before my Christmas spray tan had dried at 10pm on Thursday evening. The truth is, we will never be able to put our finger on precisely why everything panned…
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Fake a Line!
Berlin, April 1945. And Hitler isn’t happy. He’s preparing for a news conference to publicise Flypaper for Freaks and Freaking Hired! and he desperately needs a line from one of the books to slot into the slide deck. But Max Frances is nowhere to be found. So, Hitler has an idea… He summons his valet…
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Fighting the Good Fight…
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