Category: Retail
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Remington Steal
I was thinking this week about King Camp Gillette, erstwhile razor mogul. He’s often credited with inventing – and certainly warmly embracing – the business model that sees organisations ‘give away’ a product and then continually charge for essential accessories that are locked into the giveaway. In his case, it was a razor, but the…
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Ill Bread
I stumbled into Subway today, and after I had ordered two footling subs, the counter droid queried whether I wanted anything else with my sandwiches. I was momentarily stunned, as I hadn’t ordered any sandwiches. Then it thunderbolted home: another cockwomble retailer within their own warped virtual reality bubble was dicking around with the English…
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We Fit
I’ve never been great with hands-on workmanship and appreciate that there are times when you just have to fork out to somebody to perform a simple task. You pay a reasonable rate for the knowledge, and the guy rocks up and does the job. One example of this is fitting parts to cars. Vehicle manufacturers…
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P. O.
If you’re seeking an example of an institution that reflects our national decline, take a a trip to your local Post Office counter and try to send a parcel. You’d think that nothing could be simpler, but you’d be wrong. They might have toned down on the non-sequitur, Poundland-style counter upselling, but the commission-bereft battleaxes…
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Shut Your Cakehole
It’s a funny old world. Droning, bleeding hearts are seeing their piss boiled by current issues with supply chains and highlighting these as a direct consequence of Brexit while also bemoaning the challenges faced by EU citizens currently domiciled in the UK. Two sets of inevitable consequences of Brexit – one for I-told-you-so gloating and…
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Ping Pong
You’d have to have a heart stone not to laugh like a drain. The Government set up a track-and-trace app, but there’s a growing concern that too many people are being pinged and are self-isolating. It’s the pingdemic. Let’s just recap: the Government put a system in place and asked the public to use it.…
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Skimmed Bilk
I was recently taken aback by the prevalence of round-ups for charity when making electronic payments. Just last week, it happened three times in one morning on the High Street, and even sneaky old online retailers are slipping it into their payment processes. It works like this: if your purchases cost £7.84, the screen asks…
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Slitty-Eyed
Our incorrigible bent for synchronised fawning made it as predictable as it was painful. And so, along with innumerable brown-tongue aficionados, a facade of pitiful, performative grieving was thrust upon the traveling public by National Rail. In doing so, they scuppered the plans of those who possessed not the requisite beady-eyed dexterity to navigate the…
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Virgin on the Ridiculous
While a plethora of UK businesses have merrily slashed customer service and unapologetically tossed the blame onto COVID, the irony of their switch-hitting is not lost on the casual observer. Resource and volume distribution challenges are nothing new. Back in the day, contact centre providers would largely differentiate themselves through their innovative use of technology…
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Sky’s the Limit
While COVID might be debilitating ever-increasing numbers of the population, Sky is following up with its own assault on the nation’s mental health, not to mention insulting its intelligence. The TV/Broadband company is now spitting out renewal letters with a twist. Headed, ‘We’re now giving you another 12 months of savings’, it all seems a…
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