Category: Sport
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You Can Keep Your Hatton
RIP Ricky Hatton – any death is sad, but it’s all the more a tragedy when the person passing still has so much life to live. Cue a minute’s applause at the Etihad. They just can’t help themselves, can they? I’d wager we’d all rather be laying to rest the cancer of virtue signalling and…
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Amorim Job
Forget Reuben Amorim for just for one second. Man United are thinking about replacing goalkeeper André Onana with an epileptic Thalidomide impaled on a clothes prop. A tasered flid would after all fare better with crosses than a poundshop Baron Samedi with two left hands. Amorim himself has demonstrated success only in outpacing the frenetic…
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Three Irons
Well, thank God that shambles is over. I’ve not been as bemused since the World Downs Syndrome Championship when Mongolia chalked up a bonus chromosome in stoppage time. If a team as manifestly cack as England can triumph in any tournament, this tells you everything you need to know about this dogshit variant of the…
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Les Misérables
Much has been made about the cosplaying of women footballers – you know, the whole on-pitch slo-mo performative dance, together with the vacuous press conferences, minging magazine articles, asshole adverts, unmeritorious medals, and the tosspot Tik Tok turdbait. The overreach and grim gaslighting are embarrassing. Perhaps a thumping by Spain in the Euro final might…
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A Flair Cop
England ‘footballer’ Jess Carter has whistled up the cops to probe the online hate directed at her. Yes, you read that right. A shedload of labour-intensive man hours will now be ploughed into an investigation about a handful of hurty words unidigitally prodded into a keyboard by some weary gobshite. Surely, it takes a bit…
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Not a Jot
RIP Diogo Jota. Let’s hope that his loved ones can now process this loss and rebuild their lives the best they can. What a shame that performative mourning didn’t roll over and go woof like the Lambo. It’s always a goulish charade, but the scum and social media hacks just can’t help themselves. The storm…
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Stepping Back
So, Gary Lineker is on his way out of the BBC. It was indeed a stretch to see how somebody so clear about the Tories’ language of the 1930s was oblivious to the rat symbolism used by the Nazis during the same era. He apparently never saw the offending emoji in the post he shared,…
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Tuched Up
So, England’s first German manager has entered the fickle foray of footie, kicking off with a hefty slice of withering criticism for his predecessor and a 2-0 win over Albania. Guys, you’d only lose to Albania at pickpocketing, trafficking, or blood feuds. It’s probably true that Southgate’s weightiest clanger in the last tournament was his…
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Alan She/her
Last month, a 17-year-old female footballer was sidelined for discrimination after she was found to have repeatedly asked a transgender opponent questions about his gender. The hirsute chickadee in question had a full beard and was built like a brick outhouse. Aside from the obvious query on eligibility, there must have been a tangible concern…
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Tyson Fury
Wowsers! I’ve not seen anybody beaten about the ring so badly since Jimmy Savile zipwired into the main dorm at Haut de la Garenne children’s home with salivated cable ties gripped in his yellowing teeth. However, while the commentariat screeches about trashed legacies, they are omitting to consider the erstwhile pugilist Tyson’s penchant for hoofing…
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