Tag: Lionesses
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Three Irons
Well, thank God that shambles is over. I’ve not been as bemused since the World Downs Syndrome Championship when Mongolia chalked up a bonus chromosome in stoppage time. If a team as manifestly cack as England can triumph in any tournament, this tells you everything you need to know about this dogshit variant of the…
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Les Misérables
Much has been made about the cosplaying of women footballers – you know, the whole on-pitch slo-mo performative dance, together with the vacuous press conferences, minging magazine articles, asshole adverts, unmeritorious medals, and the tosspot Tik Tok turdbait. The overreach and grim gaslighting are embarrassing. Perhaps a thumping by Spain in the Euro final might…
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A Flair Cop
England ‘footballer’ Jess Carter has whistled up the cops to probe the online hate directed at her. Yes, you read that right. A shedload of labour-intensive man hours will now be ploughed into an investigation about a handful of hurty words unidigitally prodded into a keyboard by some weary gobshite. Surely, it takes a bit…
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Alan She/her
Last month, a 17-year-old female footballer was sidelined for discrimination after she was found to have repeatedly asked a transgender opponent questions about his gender. The hirsute chickadee in question had a full beard and was built like a brick outhouse. Aside from the obvious query on eligibility, there must have been a tangible concern…
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If You Can’t Stand the Heat…
Truly perturbing scenes at the Olympics after a female Italian boxer quit forty-six seconds into her bout after being whacked in the face. That must have come as a shock to women all over Italy who generally brave that shit out for forty-six years. That punch in the kisser was always when Mike Tyson said the…
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Too Juan
Another day, another failure. In fairness, the match against Spain was pretty evenly matched for the first 85 minutes. Of course, Spain had looked more dangerous and had played the better football, but the score still reflected bottom-lime parity. Then, in the blink of an eye, there was a precision pass, a lightning burst of…
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A F- Con
Deary me – the Afcon tournament is hardly a more appetising spectacle than the Women’s ‘World Cup’, which itself registered an 11/10 on the toss-o-meter. I’d rather plunge my unprotected fingers into Mary Earps’ Instagram page than allow any more of the light from that sub-Saharan sportsqueef to enter my retinal photoreceptors. There’s certainly not…
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Not Fit to Iron the Shirt
Former footballer and manager Joey Barton has ruffled a few feather boas in recent weeks by stating some of the least controversial comments imaginable. He has said that the current locust swarm of female pundits are crap. That’s not even an opinion. It’s a fact. Claiming that their presence on screen in the context of…
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Twearps
Hold my Prosecco while I have a whinge. For the second year in a row, the public has voted a woman footballer the ‘Sports Personality of the Year’. Their game, their rules. Good luck to all the women making money from football. I say the same about proper players making zillions from Premier League merchandising.…
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Flakermaker
Following their ‘world cup’ victory, triumphant Spaniolo player Jenni Hermoso hugged her FA President Luis Rubiales, lifted him legs akimbo aloft while the hapless prez reciprocally offered a lips-on kiss to the hopeless lez. Big deal. Apparently, a veritable shitstorm has now engulfed women’s football as he hadn’t filed a notarised consent document prior to…
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