Tag: Olympics
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Up In Smoke
The family of Rebecca Cheptegei has decided to have her buried. After all, the cremation did come first, courtesy of old flame Dickson Ndiema. There’s a joke in there screaming to get out, possibly relating to penises and bloated legs, but it will probably die of multiple organ failure before the first gargled giggle. It might…
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If You Can’t Stand the Heat…
Truly perturbing scenes at the Olympics after a female Italian boxer quit forty-six seconds into her bout after being whacked in the face. That must have come as a shock to women all over Italy who generally brave that shit out for forty-six years. That punch in the kisser was always when Mike Tyson said the…
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Long Face
As if the Olympics could not get more farcical, the German pentathlon coach has been kicked out of the games for releasing some pent-up frustration and punching a horse. This all came to pass after a rider was reduced to tears when, leading the event, the beast refused to either trot or jump. As they say,…
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Winning Without Winning
‘The GOAT got it done’, trumpeted Team USA’s Twitter account after Simone Biles snagged a bronze in the high beam competition. Quite what ‘it’ was, nobody was precisely sure unless it was a reference to a masterclass in underpromising and overdelivering. Even in the murky world of low-rent office life, that sort of sandbagging caper…
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Flagellation
It’s been quite a week for flag-waving in the UK and beyond. Post-Brexit, flag-shagging has been a favoured allegation tossed over the fence at anybody obtrusively displaying a Union Flag, paradoxically by those vigorously spraying the EU counterpart. Subtly, those wishing to avoid banner hypocrisy adorn their social media profiles with blue hearts, but we…
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Mat Gloss
I hadn’t realised that the Olympic Games was on, because it has all been somewhat low-key. Don’t worry if you too hadn’t noticed – it’s so far been excruciating but very 21st century, and that’s not just the skateboarding and BMXing. Russia has been banned, so all the Russians who haven’t been caught chewing horse…
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Flip Flop
You couldn’t make it up. The Free Speech Union has supported the ban on taking the knee at the Tokyo Olympics. One of their gang said: ‘The majority of people support banning taking the knee. It is divisive and doesn’t have much to do with kicking racism out of sport‘. That’s a belter. If shooting…
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#Keirin
With the election of Sir Keir Starmer as the new Leader of the Labour Party, I saw the hashtag #keirin trending in Twitter. It rang a bell, so I refreshed my memory. In cycling, Keirin is an event of Japanese origin where a host of riders circle a track on fixed-gear bicycles with no brakes,…
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Honour Marks, Get Set…
I’ve never been one for awards and medals – I sussed out the scam while a mere lad at school. After penning a superlative account of the Ayatollah Khomeini’s return from exile in France, I was awarded a coveted gold star. Emerging triumphant and euphoric from the headmaster’s office, I encountered the class dunderhead –…
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