How many of us are looking forward to a holiday in Stockton-on-Tees?

None.

Because it’s a shithole.

Let’s take a moment to celebrate all the national journalists who have flocked to buy properties in Stockton.

Unfortunately, there are none.

Because it’s a shithole.

Even the inhabitants of Stockton think it’s a shithole – once they’ve come round from their scag-benders and can muster up a coherent sentence before stabbing up the nearest pensioner for their next hit. Or the nearest thirteen-year-old mother of four.

In an epoch where politicians are slagged for their aversion to the truth, let’s all be grateful that a politician might simply have told it like it is.

Unless he was referring to the Speaker, ‘Shit Hoyle’, who ‘did not hear any remark’.

Move on – nothing to see here.

Unless you’re planning to visit Middlesbrough.

Now, that is one salubrious town.

Not a shithole at all.