Tag: Conservatives
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Never Knowingly Undertrolled
So Keith went out for a leisurely afternoon troll, pondering wallpaper in John Lewis to rustle up a photo op of sorts for the craven lefty press. Hilarious, Sir Drear. I was just surprised he hadn’t spent 3 hours poring over the plain magnolia before walking out empty-handed. At a time when it should be…
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Nice and Sleazy Does It
In 5 seconds of unbridled opposition, Sir Keir Starmer boldly announced, ‘the return of Tory sleaze’. As Gerry Adams might say, ‘it never went away, you know’. Most pertinently, anybody who has missed the relentless asset-stripping of the UK since lockdowns must be in the unrelenting clutches of a hardcore ketamine habit. All this ring-fenced…
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Game On?
It’s Easter Monday, and we have passed the one-year anniversary of Keir Starmer’s leadership of Labour. Unsurprisingly, there’s no discernible sign of a resurrection on either front. He has now vowed to ‘take off the mask’ (presumably a metaphorical one), to ‘open the throttle’, and to show us all why he should be the next…
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Motion Lotion
A year on, and commentators are seeking to assess Keir Starmer’s progress as the Labour Leader. Now, that’s a real toughie because he hasn’t really done anything. Try to imagine an Israeli opposition leader never managing to surpass level-pegging with Hitler, and you’ll probably be in the right ballpark. In its wildest dreams (which judging…
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Priti Grim
News of Priti Patel’s expenses claim of £77,269.40 for highbrow eyebrows has emerged, and we await the cost of Johnson’s back, sack, and crack with spew-wrenching anticipation. Dame Dick should be able to help out on that score. After all, she’s got a track record of doing Brazilians for nothing. The most mind-boggling titbit of…
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The Spoils of Whore
The latest COVID-death figures reflect that 3,572 people with no identified pre-existing condition have succumbed to the bug. A further breakdown reveals that 87 of them were under 40. In 2019, 1,752 perished in road traffic accidents, which aside from the bereaved families and the emergency services in attendance impacted nobody. We never shut down…
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A Wee Cranky
Nicola Sturgeon is looking a wee cranky after some committee concluded that she misled the Scots Parliament, and her pants were metaphorically ablaze. Whenever you see the term ‘committee’, expect to witness a hatful of controversy and vendetta, dressed up as principled authority. This one appeared biased because it didn’t contain the now mandatory SNP…
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Foot. Aim. Fire!
Having just witnessed some heavy-handed policing of some drippy sit-in at Clapham Common, the essence of the fledgling Policing Bill has now crystallised. A new maximum penalty of 10 years in jail for effectively hurting people’s feelings is on the cards. It seems a tad weird that a Government that claims to care about freedom…
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Mandatory Pricks
It has been a quiet couple of days from the Government, who in surfing terms have made the drop and are amped on the crest of the vaccine wave. And who can blame them? They have sketched a roadmap out of lockdown and even managed to beat away a verified threat from Johnny Foreigner coming…
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Poise On
While it made the headlines, we did not witness the expected dogpile onto Dominic Cummings in the wake of his apparently premature evacuation. A few expected barbs from our old centre-left faves who momentarily broke away from their Diwali celebrations, and that was about it. The whole affair is characterised largely by stunned silence: the…
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