Tag: Government
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Furlough Blows
Cometh the hour, cometh the charlatan. And in business, coronafraud is not just confined to online ads by individual twicers for non-existent supplies. It’s becoming part of corporate policy. As most will know, the UK Government has stepped up to the plate and will pay 80% of an employee’s salary, up to £2,500 per month,…
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Enough Rope
After a fluffy savaging from Ireland’s Taoiseach Leo Varadkar this week, the EU has spluttered into action (of sorts). Yes, dear Leo is still clinging to power, courtesy of COVID-19 and a level of incompetence in Irish politics that makes the new UK Labour Shadow Cabinet seem like a brains trust. Deliciously ironic when you…
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The Mask Raid
So, in a wholly unexpected development, the PM Boris Johnson has been carted off where he was subsequently inducted – not into the EU Hall of Fame – but into hospital intensive care. This has exacerbated the seemingly unabated coronapanic – we at least have to pretend that we need somebody to lead on the…
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Don’t Go for the Juggler
There’s been a notable shift on coronawaffle: originally, the virus itself was used to distract attention from the lamentable shitshow of Brexit and domestic political incapability. Now, the government’s management of the response to coronavirus needs a distraction tool of its own. Or a ventilator – if there’s a spare one available. Step forward Matt…
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Venture Catalysts
Day God-knows-what in the Big Brother House and who’s going to retrieve the samurai sword from our intestines after our economic hari kari? Don’t hold your breath. If there’s light at the end of the tunnel, it’s probably some minister with a torch looking for another absurd policy. It’s the most joined-up we’ve been for…
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No Need to Faucet
Harvey Weinstein has tested positive for coronavirus. So, that’s 2 weeks of isolation covered and now just 22 years and 50 weeks to straighten out. Meanwhile, the office plant is expecting twin saplings. We’re all waiting for the lockdown order in the UK which I guess means that people can venture out only for groceries…
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Basket Cases
The power of social media: a critical care nurse makes an emotional video about empty shelves in stores. It goes coronaviral. Major stores decided that we needed to support our NHS staff, so they introduced NHS hours for staff to shop where there are replenished shelves. Of course, staff work shifts, so not everyone can…
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Closure Ayes
If you’re panicking at the prospect of a few months of social distancing, spare a thought for your friendly neighbour burglars and junkies, who will see the window for opportunist crime closing down faster than a Rolf Harris comeback tour. They’ll probably be able to apply for Universal Credit, though, and we should endeavour to…
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Keep Calm and Cory On
A brief stroll through the town centre yesterday, and I had to check my watch to make sure it wasn’t 1st April. At first, I thought I’d encountered a cardiologist cycling club charity ride, what with all the people pedalling about with their green surgical masks. You almost don’t know where to begin. The panic…
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Just Checking the Smellprint
I’m getting nostalgic for Brexit. This whole corona-clown cluster is withing touching distance of peak buffoonery. Helpfully though, because anti-inflammatories suppress the immune system, we have been advised not to be taking ibuprofen. That’s a relief. Mind you, it takes a Kofi-Annan-grade negotiation just to but a few packets under normal trading conditions, so it’s…
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