Author: Max Frances
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Loose Cannons
Boris Johnson has announced the imminent removal of most COVID restrictions and asked the nation to ‘exercise its own judgement’. Given that the nation had elected him as Prime Minister, that may well be asking for trouble. All of this sparks the old Johnson-is-a-libertarian discourse into life, which once again pumps spunk into the some…
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Cop-Out
I paid a flying visit to Bristol yesterday and encountered a sit-in in the middle of the road at the bottom of Park Street. They had a banner reading, ‘Priti Shit’, which does deserve some recognition for a new twist on an old gag, and another which read, ‘this is a peaceful protest’. This tickled…
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Badly Spun
Wow – nobody was expecting that. Labour scraped through in Batley and Spen. Dry the tears from your eyes and cash out those online bets. Kim’s going to close the loop and take her seat under the memorial plaque for her tearful maiden speech. That’s a speech by a tearful maiden, by the way. At…
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Kimbaya
We’re approaching the home straight in Batley and Spen, and Slur Clear Stammer may well shortly be staring down the barrel of laughs of a leadership challenge. Given the shocking calibre of the Labour benches, it’s certainly not going to get out of slapstick gear, but that’s for another day. If Labour do get resoundingly…
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Pump Goes the Weasel
Thanks to the Sun, we’ve finally discovered the reason for Matt Hancock’s permasmirk. Anybody who had touted the view that door Matt was losing his grip had clearly not clocked the telefoto snap of the slippery toad up to the hilt in some covert sidechickery or, as it’s now known, Hands – Face – Back…
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Batty and Spent
The imminent by-election in Batley and Spen might prove to be a watershed for Drear Harmer’s leadershit (not a typo), if it has not indeed already hit the (silly old) buffers. In terms of candidate selection, Labour can at least be praised for not having plucked a self-serving, fake social democrat droid from the political…
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Ho-De-Hopeless
This week, Diabolic Cummings released WhatsApp messages in which Boris Johnson had denounced Matt Hancock as ‘hopeless’. For his part, Hancock had then responded to a press question of, ‘are you hopeless?’ with a, ‘I don’t think so’. He didn’t sound too convinced either way. Poor old door matt – however, the way he’s survived…
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Skimmed Bilk
I was recently taken aback by the prevalence of round-ups for charity when making electronic payments. Just last week, it happened three times in one morning on the High Street, and even sneaky old online retailers are slipping it into their payment processes. It works like this: if your purchases cost £7.84, the screen asks…
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Horses and Stable Doors
Pro-EU acolytes are currently questioning why Brexit is no longer discussed by Brexiters. For the same reason that nobody is talking about Swine Flu: it’s over. The question is settled even if the fallout isn’t, so why hasn’t everybody moved onto the practical reality instead of replaying the pros and cons of the decision? Every…
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It’s Coming Home
So, Euro 2020 is underway, and the immediate focal point will doubtless be the knee-taking that will almost certainly overshadow our chance-taking. We will therefore be showing the red card to racism but getting fervently behind our respective teams, right? Now that raises an uncomfortable question regarding our own comfort with football patriotism. If racism…
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