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Pump Goes the Weasel
Thanks to the Sun, we’ve finally discovered the reason for Matt Hancock’s permasmirk. Anybody who had touted the view that door Matt was losing his grip had clearly not clocked the telefoto snap of the slippery toad up to the hilt in some covert sidechickery or, as it’s now known, Hands – Face – Back…
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Batty and Spent
The imminent by-election in Batley and Spen might prove to be a watershed for Drear Harmer’s leadershit (not a typo), if it has not indeed already hit the (silly old) buffers. In terms of candidate selection, Labour can at least be praised for not having plucked a self-serving, fake social democrat droid from the political…
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Ho-De-Hopeless
This week, Diabolic Cummings released WhatsApp messages in which Boris Johnson had denounced Matt Hancock as ‘hopeless’. For his part, Hancock had then responded to a press question of, ‘are you hopeless?’ with a, ‘I don’t think so’. He didn’t sound too convinced either way. Poor old door matt – however, the way he’s survived…
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Skimmed Bilk
I was recently taken aback by the prevalence of round-ups for charity when making electronic payments. Just last week, it happened three times in one morning on the High Street, and even sneaky old online retailers are slipping it into their payment processes. It works like this: if your purchases cost £7.84, the screen asks…
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Horses and Stable Doors
Pro-EU acolytes are currently questioning why Brexit is no longer discussed by Brexiters. For the same reason that nobody is talking about Swine Flu: it’s over. The question is settled even if the fallout isn’t, so why hasn’t everybody moved onto the practical reality instead of replaying the pros and cons of the decision? Every…
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It’s Coming Home
So, Euro 2020 is underway, and the immediate focal point will doubtless be the knee-taking that will almost certainly overshadow our chance-taking. We will therefore be showing the red card to racism but getting fervently behind our respective teams, right? Now that raises an uncomfortable question regarding our own comfort with football patriotism. If racism…
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Heart Failure
When Christian Eriksen hit the deck during the Denmark-Finland match, it was a horrible moment. But it was not just the player collapsing, it was also the integrity of much of the viewing public who sprang into life on social media. Yes, while the poor chap lay prostrate on the pitch and in the sick…
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Big Ole Balls
Maya Forstater has just won her appeal at the Employment Tribunal, which has doubtless led to a whole swathe of women scratching their heads. And their big ole hairy balls. In the greatest twist, worthy of a literary genius, the doyenne of fiction JK Rowling has been established as the standard bearer of non-fiction. Who’d…
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Teenage Kicks
The cricketer Ollie Robinson has been yanked out of his England debut because of some boundary-breaching, turdist tweets that he had posted a decade ago. At worst it was throwaway bravado or attempts at humour through extreme shock value, and to be fair, I’ve heard worse from your average grim gaggle of giggling girlies in…
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Cosmetic Surge
It seems like every man and his dog – or rather every person with or without biological testes and their companion – is necking hormone replacement capsules or mindlessly cheerleading for those who do. The question I have is where did all these trans activists come from? The hardcore loonies have always been stumbling about…
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Fighting the Good Fight…
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