Tag: Southgate
-
Amorim Job
Forget Reuben Amorim for just for one second. Man United are thinking about replacing goalkeeper André Onana with an epileptic Thalidomide impaled on a clothes prop. A tasered flid would after all fare better with crosses than a poundshop Baron Samedi with two left hands. Amorim himself has demonstrated success only in outpacing the frenetic…
-
Tuched Up
So, England’s first German manager has entered the fickle foray of footie, kicking off with a hefty slice of withering criticism for his predecessor and a 2-0 win over Albania. Guys, you’d only lose to Albania at pickpocketing, trafficking, or blood feuds. It’s probably true that Southgate’s weightiest clanger in the last tournament was his…
-
Too Juan
Another day, another failure. In fairness, the match against Spain was pretty evenly matched for the first 85 minutes. Of course, Spain had looked more dangerous and had played the better football, but the score still reflected bottom-lime parity. Then, in the blink of an eye, there was a precision pass, a lightning burst of…
-
Safegate
‘We don’t have a replacement for Kalvin Phillips’. Let that sink in for a moment. Gareth Southgate has a team that should be bubbling with the Bundesliga top scorer, the season’s outstanding player in La Liga, and a fresh dollop of Premiership cream. And yet, he is bamboozled by the challenge of replacing a player…
-
Tap-In
Another day, another Team England loss, and two hours of my life was gone forever. Sometimes I think I’ll never learn. Cue the rearguard. The shambolic shitshow shoo-in was predictably re-imagined by the client press as an inevitable defeat in the wake of the new Brazilian wonderkid. The ‘new Romario’, no less. Nothing Gareth could…
-
Dire ‘Straights’
Predictably, the fringe loons gagging for eight inches of stiff virtue signalling have been clambering for Sarina Wiegman to be paid the same as Gareth Southgate. I actually agree with this. They both deserve expenses only. Hardly a full-time job is it? All the coaching and tactics gets done back at the Premiership clubs. It’s…
-
Timewasters
So, England snagged a win on Italian turf for the first time since 1961. Along the way, both fullbacks were booked for timewasting, which made the crowd wonder whether Gareth Southgate was up for a lifetime achievement award. Meanwhile, the Commons Standards Committee did their utmost to stepover past Boris and ended up going full…
-
Here We Go, Here We Go, Here We Go…(Again)
No sooner had Lionel Messi hoisted the World Cup aloft, Gareth Southgate had indirectly confirmed that it would be another four years before England had the faintest hope of collecting a major gong. It all rather summed up where not just football is but where we all are in general. Messi, arguably the greatest player…
-
Harm Banned
Last week, the boss of the English FA gave an interview about the One Love captain’s armband and confirmed that Harry Kane would wear it regardless. ‘I think there’s a possibility that we might be fined. And if we are, then we’ll pay the fine. We think it’s really important to show our values. And…
-
Replica Shirks
Shell-shocked, I’ve been eating gargantuan wedges of humble pie after Gareth Southgate steered the Three Lions to their first major final in 55 years. Whatever the ultimate outcome, the team has, after a sluggish start, performed magnificently. Forget the tactical analysis, and that’s not just because, like most punters, I don’t really understand the technicalities.…
maxfrances.com 