Another day, another Team England loss, and two hours of my life was gone forever.

Sometimes I think I’ll never learn.

Cue the rearguard.

The shambolic shitshow shoo-in was predictably re-imagined by the client press as an inevitable defeat in the wake of the new Brazilian wonderkid. The ‘new Romario’, no less.

Nothing Gareth could have done about it. So that’s alright then.

The lad is probably a talent for the future, but my Nan could have tapped that sitter in. Blindly bigging up the scorer as a new messiah is nevertheless an essential step in shoring up  Southgate’s position.

Every game is a tap-in for the England Manager. No other incumbent has ever had such an easy ride in the press.

After all, the football commentariat is rammed with the 1990s England old boy network shills. They all have to perpetuate the myth of Gareth in exchange for access to the England camp and garnering grass for the cash cow of piss-poor punditry.

Credit where credit’s due, though – England have certainly punched above their ranking weight in recent major tournaments. Southgate undoubtedly connects with some players on a personal level from his time with the under-21s, but he’s not an elite coach.

He’s more of a stagecoach.

The players do get drilled at the highest level, but that’s in their day jobs, and we can thank Guardiola, Klopp, and Ancelotti for their immeasurable contributions. They’re the blokes who have really made the step change in England’s fortunes possible.

The main issue with Southgate is that he sees leadership as setting a social example, rather than winning games. He’s crafted an image of what Team England must represent, and this guides and determines his decisions.

That led him further down the abyss of alienation with stiff, throbbing support for the bisexual and trans flag embuggerance of the team shirt and flag, which preceded the inevitable flaccid, drooping disappointment on the pitch.

When you appear to dig everything, stop digging.

They’ve even installed Jimmy-Floyd Hasselbaink as a first-team coach in the name of ‘improving diversity’.

And there was me thinking that people got picked and appointed on the basis of talent.

This guy is the former coach of QPR, Northampton Town, and Burton Albion (twice). He also bossed Royal Antwerp, which puts him in good company with ex-Boro coach – and royal twerp – Southgate.

None of this will trouble Gareth too much. He’ll stutter through a barren Euros, and then he’ll trot off to Manchester United, beating Graham Potter in a close-run two-donkey race to a lucrative three-year addendum to an impressive CV of failure.

Another tap-in.