Tag: Sport
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Here We Go, Here We Go, Here We Go…(Again)
No sooner had Lionel Messi hoisted the World Cup aloft, Gareth Southgate had indirectly confirmed that it would be another four years before England had the faintest hope of collecting a major gong. It all rather summed up where not just football is but where we all are in general. Messi, arguably the greatest player…
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Long Face
As if the Olympics could not get more farcical, the German pentathlon coach has been kicked out of the games for releasing some pent-up frustration and punching a horse. This all came to pass after a rider was reduced to tears when, leading the event, the beast refused to either trot or jump. As they say,…
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Winning Without Winning
‘The GOAT got it done’, trumpeted Team USA’s Twitter account after Simone Biles snagged a bronze in the high beam competition. Quite what ‘it’ was, nobody was precisely sure unless it was a reference to a masterclass in underpromising and overdelivering. Even in the murky world of low-rent office life, that sort of sandbagging caper…
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Mat Gloss
I hadn’t realised that the Olympic Games was on, because it has all been somewhat low-key. Don’t worry if you too hadn’t noticed – it’s so far been excruciating but very 21st century, and that’s not just the skateboarding and BMXing. Russia has been banned, so all the Russians who haven’t been caught chewing horse…
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Cheato Jesus
In a week when Cheeto Jesus offered the first hint that he might give up the spectre of his presidency, Cheato Jesus in Argentina gave up the ghost. There will be much penned about the life and times of Diego Maradona, typically juxtaposing the genius and villain motifs. But the infamous Hand of God was…
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The Competitive Hedge
Not many have been impervious to boorish professional sports stars banging on about how they hate to lose games with their colleagues – and even their kids – because they are ‘so competitive’. These dullards merrily recount how they storm off in a strop at any ‘defeat’ inflicted on them, wearing their hissy chagrin like…
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Don’t Go for the Juggler
There’s been a notable shift on coronawaffle: originally, the virus itself was used to distract attention from the lamentable shitshow of Brexit and domestic political incapability. Now, the government’s management of the response to coronavirus needs a distraction tool of its own. Or a ventilator – if there’s a spare one available. Step forward Matt…
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This Is the Price of Failure, Mr Bond…
I succumbed to the pleasure of a local hostelry at the weekend, incidentally while the Six Nations Rugby was on. Calamitous mistake. Jam-packed full of halfwits who have never played rugby, who don’t understand the rules of rugby, and who use rugby as a misguided vehicle to attain social acceptance. Incorrigible berks. The game is…
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Monkey Business
I was flabbergasted by the accusations of racist chanting at Tottenham Hotspur last week. Well, it’s just that I wasn’t initially convinced that the monkey noises were anything other than their own primitive attempts to communicate. Just wait until Spurs become fully Mourinhoed into the institutionalised 1-0 – that’ll teach ‘em. I mean, one of…
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