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Long Face

As if the Olympics could not get more farcical, the German pentathlon coach has been kicked out of the games for releasing some pent-up frustration and punching a horse. This all came to pass after a rider was reduced to tears when, leading the event, the beast refused to either trot or jump. As they say,…
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Winning Without Winning

‘The GOAT got it done’, trumpeted Team USA’s Twitter account after Simone Biles snagged a bronze in the high beam competition. Quite what ‘it’ was, nobody was precisely sure unless it was a reference to a masterclass in underpromising and overdelivering. Even in the murky world of low-rent office life, that sort of sandbagging caper…
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Mat Gloss

I hadn’t realised that the Olympic Games was on, because it has all been somewhat low-key. Don’t worry if you too hadn’t noticed – it’s so far been excruciating but very 21st century, and that’s not just the skateboarding and BMXing. Russia has been banned, so all the Russians who haven’t been caught chewing horse…
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Ping Pong

You’d have to have a heart stone not to laugh like a drain. The Government set up a track-and-trace app, but there’s a growing concern that too many people are being pinged and are self-isolating. It’s the pingdemic. Let’s just recap: the Government put a system in place and asked the public to use it.…
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Crazy Paving

Without making any comment on the merits of Brexit, it is mesmerising that an advisory referendum reflected an inexorable path, whereas a treaty bound in international law represents a starting point for ongoing negotiation. We seem to be lacking one clear reference point to anchor our logic. It’s a double-jabbed post-fact existence that makes anything…
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Replica Shirks

Shell-shocked, I’ve been eating gargantuan wedges of humble pie after Gareth Southgate steered the Three Lions to their first major final in 55 years. Whatever the ultimate outcome, the team has, after a sluggish start, performed magnificently. Forget the tactical analysis, and that’s not just because, like most punters, I don’t really understand the technicalities.…




