Month: Apr 2021
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Never Knowingly Undertrolled
So Keith went out for a leisurely afternoon troll, pondering wallpaper in John Lewis to rustle up a photo op of sorts for the craven lefty press. Hilarious, Sir Drear. I was just surprised he hadn’t spent 3 hours poring over the plain magnolia before walking out empty-handed. At a time when it should be…
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Confirmation by Arse
So, the Downing Street interior decoration bill appears to have rattled some cages. Not sure why, because it’s not as if Johnson has pocketed the cash. He can’t take it all with him once he’s gone. At worst, he’s frittered some dough, but you would have thought that he’d have just done it himself, given…
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Gove Is in the Air
As predicted, Demonic Bummings has risen from the ashes, daggers drawn, and the stream of consciousness style of his turgid blog has swiftly transformed into a focused, tight, and determined front-stabbing. It’s almost as if he was assisted with it by a seasoned journalist well-versed in making each word count. Who’d have thunk it? Most…
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Flip Flop
You couldn’t make it up. The Free Speech Union has supported the ban on taking the knee at the Tokyo Olympics. One of their gang said: ‘The majority of people support banning taking the knee. It is divisive and doesn’t have much to do with kicking racism out of sport‘. That’s a belter. If shooting…
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Closed Shops
Well, that didn’t last long. The European Super League has received the red card, but that will likely not be the end of it. For now, the Big Six can return to the Premier League where they can revert to sucking up cash, buying in the best players, and operating without fear of relegation. One…
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Dropped Ball
Oceans of tears this weekend at the prospect of a European Football Super League, and there we were, being led to believe that Euro-integration was the future? If it is invitation-only, risk-free showboating, this isn’t a competition as such – it’s marketing content. Think Federer and Nadal hotdogging and pinging up 20-shot lob rallies with…
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Recto Verso
The UK’s Poet Laureate, Simon Armitage, has written a poem to commemorate the Duke of Edinburgh’s passing. The Prince famously loathed sycophants, which must have been a hefty burden in itself given his position in the crosshairs of the nation’s most devoted bottom-feeders. Accordingly, the poet compensated for this with wide spadefuls of pretension: Last…
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Nice and Sleazy Does It
In 5 seconds of unbridled opposition, Sir Keir Starmer boldly announced, ‘the return of Tory sleaze’. As Gerry Adams might say, ‘it never went away, you know’. Most pertinently, anybody who has missed the relentless asset-stripping of the UK since lockdowns must be in the unrelenting clutches of a hardcore ketamine habit. All this ring-fenced…
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Slitty-Eyed
Our incorrigible bent for synchronised fawning made it as predictable as it was painful. And so, along with innumerable brown-tongue aficionados, a facade of pitiful, performative grieving was thrust upon the traveling public by National Rail. In doing so, they scuppered the plans of those who possessed not the requisite beady-eyed dexterity to navigate the…
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Unskinny Bop
It was desperately sad to hear that former Big Brother desperado Nikki Grahame had succumbed to anorexia. Desperately sadder still was the media puff about a lack of awareness of eating disorders. Please, somebody turn that telescope around. Surely, the most pertinent concern should fall on the apparent obsession with the modern-day freak show of…
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