The Great Pretenders

Forget inflation, recession, and COVID. The greatest threat to progress is our susceptibility to the charms of the Great Pretender.

And there’s an emphasis on the word ‘pretend’.

Earlier this year, Keir Starmer called out Johnson and pushed for his resignation simply because the latter was under police investigation. This was a prime minister in waiting, a man of integrity, and a viable leader.

Fast forward a few months, and Starmer himself is being pursued by plod for the same offences.

The silence is deafening, and not a hint that Slur Keir will be falling on Wes Streeting’s pork sword any time soon.

He’s probably having a working curry somewhere, celebrating the fact that he has led the Liberal Democrats to impressive local election gains.

Charity begins at home, but justice begins next door.

Unless of course you are a Liberal Democrat. Then charity begins in Syria, Brussels, or anywhere outside the UK, and ends with a hot lunch served up by a Euro-high Albanian rent boy.

But let’s unpack it all for just a moment. He’s got no political background, is a multimillionaire lawyer, and has been a member of the Labour Party for only about seven years. And yet somehow he’s the Leader of the Opposition and our next PM?

And it’s not just in politics that the charlatans are flourishing. In the sporting world – as if English football did not have enough of its own big-contract, blowout blaggers– we’ve now started importing them.

At Manchester United, the interim coach, Ralf Rangnick, who had pre-appointment been hailed as some sort of technical svengali, continually gave post-match interviews peppered with frustration at the failures of his team as they stuttered from spanking to spanking.

‘We are the only team in the world who can concede goals like this.’

But it’s your coaching pal.

It turns out that old Ralfie had racked up about 100 games for Vfb Heilbronn and Ulm combined as a player. As a manager, he had won the Intertoto Cup in 2000, and a couple of German cups, the most recent honour being 11 years ago.

It must have been one hell of an interview at Old Trafford. He must have used clip art, slide animation, and all sorts.

The master of ‘high pressing’ revealed himself to be the master of only ‘highly depressing’. United became even more shambolic, chaotic, and pointless under his tenure.

They might as well have hired Ralph Malph, or even the Fonz himself.

Exactamundo.

And the same might also be said for Labour.

For all their cleansing of their party, which was arguably entirely pointless and self-defeating, and their supposed tika-taka over party gate, they can’t put the ball in the back of the net. Now, they can’t even pick up the ball, because allegations of Tory law-breaking have been wholly neutralised.

And while United fans weren’t going change their allegiance to Liverpool, it became clear that ropey Ralf couldn’t remain at the helm.

Will the Labour Party arrive at the same conclusion?

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