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Abracadabbler
Hey presto! Magician David Copperfield has been stiffed with allegations of decades-long ‘Rolfharrisment’ by a string of now forty-something ex-teenagers whose memories are arguably as robust as the collapsed heels on their counterfeit Ugg boots. Yes, it’s one of those historical Yewtree-mendous investigations that will possibly soon have coppers beating down the door of Coppers.…
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Confidence Trick
Chaos reigns in the parallel universe of UK Politics. Hard-right loon Natalie Hellfucke has defected to Labour. Not only that, but Sir Drear has been parading her centre-stage. Not sure what the fuss is all about, though? It’s hardly a surprise that Starmer, a man who has no evident political compass, is a ruthless and…
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Slot Machine
Wowsers! Liverpool FC appear to have been sucked into the cyclical, psychopathic managerial money-go-round, plumping for Arne Slot as a replacement for Jürgen Klopp. Slot is, according to Virgil van Dijk, ‘one of the better Dutch coaches’ currently plying their trade. Oh dear. Erik ten Hag is the best, which should be triggering canned laughter…
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Gloves Off
Rest in Peace, OJ Simpson. Some are saying he will now, knowing his wife’s killer is dead. It’s just a pity that dear old Johnnie Cochran isn’t alive to deliver the eulogy. He would have doubtless convinced the congregation to have completely exonerated cancer. ‘If the coffin don’t fit, you must acquit!’ That is, if…
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Tap-In
Another day, another Team England loss, and two hours of my life was gone forever. Sometimes I think I’ll never learn. Cue the rearguard. The shambolic shitshow shoo-in was predictably re-imagined by the client press as an inevitable defeat in the wake of the new Brazilian wonderkid. The ‘new Romario’, no less. Nothing Gareth could…
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Bang, Bang
I was discussing the classic Beatles album, Abbey Road, with an acquaintance and was asked what I thought about the song ‘Maxwell’s Silver Hammer’. AT THIS POINT, DO NOT BOTHER READING FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE A BEATLES AFICIONADO For various reasons, the song garners opprobrium, allegedly even from several of the band members. Hey, the…
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Alter Ego
While the world seemingly rattles to hell in a handcart, Fleet Street is losing its collective tagnut croquembouche over an edited photo. It’s difficult to know where to begin with this shizzle, so let’s go straight to the bottom and head further south still. The princess tweaked a picture to improve it. That’s it. She…
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Bully Beef Curtains
Apparently, a guy called Navalny has died in a Russian prison. He might have choked on a Chicken McNugget while fooling about on his Playstation, for all we know. Meanwhile, at the time of writing, attacks on Gaza have killed at least 28,775 Palestinians and wounded 68,552 since October 7 2023. What with all this Eurocentric media…
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A F- Con
Deary me – the Afcon tournament is hardly a more appetising spectacle than the Women’s ‘World Cup’, which itself registered an 11/10 on the toss-o-meter. I’d rather plunge my unprotected fingers into Mary Earps’ Instagram page than allow any more of the light from that sub-Saharan sportsqueef to enter my retinal photoreceptors. There’s certainly not…
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Not Good for the Gander
Another day, another fuck to add to the cluster. Kemi Badenoch – remember her? The hapless grunt in the crowd who fortuitously caught the baseball of opportunity and accordingly concluded she was a major league player. Yes, she actually believes she might end up as the PM. Mind you, considering the shitpipes who did snag…
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Fighting the Good Fight…
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