Tag: Conservatives
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Cleverly Done
I laughed so much, a little bit of wee came out. Stratospheric frontrunner James Cleverly lent votes for a carve-up and ended up rogered and out. Apparently, he was so blasé about a thumping victory, he frittered away the death throes of his candidacy at Boris Johnson’s book launch rather than canvassing on the final furlong…
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Starmergeddon
For those of you who were desperate to see the back of the worst Government in living memory, it must have felt like being given the all-clear from your cancer specialist, only to be told you’ve got AIDS. There was no better microcosm of this short-lived joy than in Bristol Central, where self-appointed queen of…
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General Erections
We’re a fortnight or so into the General Election campaign, and frankly it’s not pretty – unless pretty boring counts. Slippery Sunake has slithered from gaffe to gaffe, and the latest D-Day debacle has surely sealed his fate. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Tories ditched him mid-campaign in a coup d’étwat. As for Slur…
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Shit Hoyle
How many of us are looking forward to a holiday in Stockton-on-Tees? None. Because it’s a shithole. Let’s take a moment to celebrate all the national journalists who have flocked to buy properties in Stockton. Unfortunately, there are none. Because it’s a shithole. Even the inhabitants of Stockton think it’s a shithole – once they’ve…
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Doing a Runner
It took a while, but the country has come to its senses. Johnson has been canned. Or rather, a select committee tee-ed him up, and he fell on his (pork) sword. Like Phillip Schofield, whom we have not seen for a few days, Phat Phuck has done a runner. As fagged-out Phil poignantly asked, ‘How…
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The Sniff Test
Ever wondered why politics seems so baffling? It’s because very little nowadays follows any predictable or logical course. This week, Rishi Sunak opined that Vlodosmear Zelensky ought to have given an address at the Eurovision Song Contest. Next, they’ll be haggling for Les Dennis to rock up at the United Nations. They say that every…
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A Man Walks Into a Bra…
Just as the trans agenda burps up a social shield for gender-benders, door Matt Hancock has discovered the plan B fallback of every me-me-me charlatan – the hidden disability. Yes, the big cock has squeezed out his personal cheese – he’s dyslexic. While the public was poised to slate him for being as thick as…
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Indian Giver
So, there we have it: Rishi Sunak is the new prime minister. He is not of course the UK’s first ethnic minority PM – that honour went to Disraeli who was top Jew before top dude. As for what the bijou berk might bring, he’s screams stability only via his personal low centre of gravity.…
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‘F*ck…’
The greatest challenge to mocking this current government is that real life has trumped satire. Even when Crazy Kwasi was being hailed back from the US to meet his fate, the airline moved him out of business into economy and performed one final U-turn before landing. Ultimately, a guy whose first national exposure was as…
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Kwasi Little Thing Called Gov
It’s been a grim couple of weeks here in UK with the passing of The Queen. We’ve been celebrating the life of a consummate professional devoted to public service, which to be fair is something of a culture shock. And nobody has captured the disposition of this Conservative Government better than Kwasi Kwarteng. Well, we’re…
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