Tag: Keir Starmer
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Ho-De-Hopeless
This week, Diabolic Cummings released WhatsApp messages in which Boris Johnson had denounced Matt Hancock as ‘hopeless’. For his part, Hancock had then responded to a press question of, ‘are you hopeless?’ with a, ‘I don’t think so’. He didn’t sound too convinced either way. Poor old door matt – however, the way he’s survived…
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Knee Jerk
Reportedly, Gareth Southgate is to hold urgent talks with the England squad about taking the knee. In all truth, he’d be better off talking to them about taking the piss. That performance versus Austrian opposition would have had Neville Chamberlain’s paper fluttering in the wind. In elite football terms, we’re not waving but drowning. As…
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Every Cloud
Every cement-dust cloud has a silver lining, and that is arguably the case for Jeremy Corbyn this week. For many years, he has lived under the intangible spectre of antisemitism allegations and to this day remains suspended by the Labour Party for that very reason. Of course, anybody with a scintilla of cerebral vim must…
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Stella Heights
Keith’s excruciating week has not got any better – he tried to sack Angela Rayner and ended up giving her three new jobs. Of course, he was lambasted for bombing out a working-class woman, but his critics failed to acknowledge that these were precisely the characteristics that had propelled her to such stellar heights in…
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Ropey Handle
Oh dear. The way things are going, some sizeable chunks of that Chinese rocket are likely to rain down on Keith’s gas guzzler. As matters stand, you could probably cut through the atmosphere at Labour HQ with a knife, let alone giant shards of Beijing tin can. And this time, there’s no convenient Corbed ball…
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Cardboard Box
I truly felt for Keir Starmer out there yesterday attempting a few punches at the large bag. I’m surprised only that one of the onlookers did not throw in the towel right there and then. It all evoked memories of Bill Gates on stage throwing some shapes at the Windows 95 launch. As he tossed…
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Never Knowingly Undertrolled
So Keith went out for a leisurely afternoon troll, pondering wallpaper in John Lewis to rustle up a photo op of sorts for the craven lefty press. Hilarious, Sir Drear. I was just surprised he hadn’t spent 3 hours poring over the plain magnolia before walking out empty-handed. At a time when it should be…
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Confirmation by Arse
So, the Downing Street interior decoration bill appears to have rattled some cages. Not sure why, because it’s not as if Johnson has pocketed the cash. He can’t take it all with him once he’s gone. At worst, he’s frittered some dough, but you would have thought that he’d have just done it himself, given…
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Nice and Sleazy Does It
In 5 seconds of unbridled opposition, Sir Keir Starmer boldly announced, ‘the return of Tory sleaze’. As Gerry Adams might say, ‘it never went away, you know’. Most pertinently, anybody who has missed the relentless asset-stripping of the UK since lockdowns must be in the unrelenting clutches of a hardcore ketamine habit. All this ring-fenced…
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Game On?
It’s Easter Monday, and we have passed the one-year anniversary of Keir Starmer’s leadership of Labour. Unsurprisingly, there’s no discernible sign of a resurrection on either front. He has now vowed to ‘take off the mask’ (presumably a metaphorical one), to ‘open the throttle’, and to show us all why he should be the next…
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